Dawn of a new day!
by HannahP25
Summary: Post-Always. Begins the morning after. By popular demand - now a multi-chap fic. Following Caskett over the days/weeks after the finale. Added some drama! Mild sexual content but nothing explicit *sorry* lol. Lanie/Alexis/Ryan/Espo too! Love feedback! - Now AU
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Castle! Just wish I did... *the man not the show* ;)

First ever fanfic... please be kind! lol. Would love your reviews though. Had a sudden urge to write this late last night. Almost didnt make it to work on time this morning because of it, but I had to get the story out of my head. Hope you like it.

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As the sun began to rise, Castle awoke, a naked Beckett laid across his chest. He blinked a few times just to make sure he wasn't dreaming, that this was actually happening. He stayed as still as possible trying not to wake her, and just watched her sleep. She was beautiful when she slept. Not that she wasn't beautiful when she was awake; she was always stunning. He was in constant awe of her beauty. But there was something different about her today while she slept. She looked… peaceful. It was a look he didn't often see on her. She was always worrying about something; always had the weight of the world on her shoulders. But as she lay there, she looked weightless.

He began tracing the patterns on her arm, the bruises from her near-death experience the night before. It killed him that he hadn't been there for her. He should have done more to stop her. But she had survived and she had turned up on his doorstep. Her voice echoed in his head "I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you". It didn't seem real. He had been waiting four years for this moment and he was still in shock. As he stroked her arm, Beckett began to stir. Castle was worried that she would panic, regret her decision, crawl back into her shell, but as she opened her beautiful hazel eyes she stared directly into his and a smile spread across her face. There was no way she could stop it. She was just so happy.

Beckett pulled herself up so that she was face to face with Castle and moved towards him for a kiss. It was softer than last night. Last night there had been an urgency to their kisses; they were full of passion, driven by the pent-up emotions they'd been denying for four years. But today there was no urgency; neither of them were going anywhere. They had all the time in the world. Beckett drew away from him and he looked a little worried. She leaned in and whispered into his ear "Don't look so worried Castle, I'll be back". She gave him a little smile and stood up.

Her legs were still a little wobbly. She'd been through a lot the day before. Vendettas, near-death experiences, mind-blowing sex. Yes it had been mind-blowing. There was something to be said for four years of foreplay. As she searched for her clothes, she smiled a little at the memory. What she couldn't remember is where she had taken them off. She saw his shirt on the floor and put it on, thankful that she'd not torn the buttons off. Castle groaned as he watched her put on clothes, but damn, she did look sexy in his shirt. He could appreciate that.

"Where are you going?" he wondered.

"I need coffee. I figure your coffee machine will be as good as anything you buy me from that little coffee shop. My turn to get the coffee." And with that she left the room heading towards the kitchen. She'd been in his loft enough times to know her way around. She took two mugs from the cupboard and turned on the coffee machine. Just as she turned around she heard a key turn in the lock. "Dad, I'm home." It was Alexis. And Beckett was only wearing a shirt. This was going to be awkward. Alexis walked into the room and saw Beckett behind the kitchen counter in her dad's shirt and with bed hair. It didn't take a genius to work out what was going on. "Oh.. umm.. hi Kate."

"Hi Alexis. Good party last night?" Small talk felt weird in her state of undress but it was the only thing to do.

"Yeah really good thanks. Where's my dad?" She wasn't sure she really wanted to know.

"Alexis, what are you doing home so soon?" He emerged from his room wearing a navy robe. He could have brought her something, but Beckett knew that he was probably just doing this to annoy her.

"Dad, it's almost lunchtime. I said I'd be back by now." How could it be that time already? He had woken when the sun rose. Had he really watched Beckett sleep for that long. Though to be honest he'd have been happy to watch her sleep all day.

"Oh ok."

"I'm… gonna go upstairs for a bit. You guys look… busy" There were definitely some awkward pauses in that sentence. They didn't go unnoticed. As Alexis escaped to her room feeling weird that she'd clearly walked in on something she didn't particularly want to think about, Beckett looked at Castle with judging eyes.

"What?"

"Seriously? You come out here with a robe on and leave me standing here half-naked."

"Oh, but I like you half-naked."

Beckett rolled her eyes, the way she always did when he said stupid things. She felt like nothing had really changed, minus the addition of sex to their relationship. They were still the same old Castle and Beckett; he still knew how to push her buttons.

"I thought you were making coffee?" She rolled her eyes again. The coffee machine was ready, she just needed sugar. Now where did he keep it? Top shelf… of course he did. As she reached up, she could feel the shirt riding up too. She knew his eyes were on her. I guess it didn't matter so much now that he had seen her naked, but she still felt a little odd being half-naked in his kitchen.

"A little help please?" she asked.

"No, I think you're looking just fine there" She noticed the word 'looking' rather than 'doing' and turned around to glare at him. "Alright, I'll get it." He stood up, reached for the sugar and put it down on the counter. She hated being so much shorter than him. She was used to wearing heels around him; the shoes made her feel more powerful. Stood barefoot in his kitchen she felt slightly more vulnerable, but she knew that she was safe with him.

Once she made the coffees she put them onto the table and walked towards the bedroom. "Where do you think you're going?"

"To put some clothes on. I can't stay like this all day."

"Oh no you don't. I'm not ready for you to be fully clothed just yet." She looked at him, wondering what he meant by that. He knew what she was thinking.

"With Alexis in the house?" she asked.

"Detective Beckett, that mind of yours." She looked at him again, confused. "I just want to stare at those legs a little longer." She gave him a coy smile and walked towards him. She touched her hand to his face, so gently, and ran her fingertips along his jaw-line. She stared so deeply into his ocean-blue eyes she felt like she might drown in them. Not that she'd have minded. He moved closer to her, tipped his head down towards hers and gingerly pressed his lips against hers. Their lips moved against each others in a way she'd never felt before. They fitted perfectly together. It was so natural, it was like breathing, and she wondered why they had never done this before. All the things holding her back before didn't matter in this moment. She finally felt like she had something to live for, something more important than the war she had been raging. Castle was the one who had saved her, he always saved her, more times than he knew. Even before they had met he had rescued her from a downward spiral, saved her from self-destructing. He stood and watched her running through things in her mind and she realised that she had stopped kissing him. With all the thoughts spinning round her head she had become distracted. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" she said. He clearly didn't believe her but he didn't push. That's one of the things she loved about him, he always gave her space when she needed it, he always knew when. He swept her curly hair from her eyes and tried to smooth the worry from her face.

"I love you" he said again. She smiled and he realised that was a first. Usually she was angry at him for saying it, but now she was ready to hear it. She loved him too, but she wasn't quite ready to say it. She was getting there but she wasn't 100% fixed. He didn't doubt that she loved him though, not after last night. He didn't need her to say the words yet. Not until she was ready. What she had given him, it was enough for now. He smiled back at her and with that cheeky look in his eyes he whisked her up in his arms and carried her into the bedroom. There was not going to be any funny business with Alexis in the house. Not at the moment anyway, not until he had spoken to her (that was going to be an awkward conversation, he thought). But a little privacy for a major make-out session sounded like a good idea.

Castle sat on the bed and Beckett curled up in his arms. At this point he realised he didn't even need the kissing. Just being with her was worth all the past. He thought about all the missed opportunities, times when he should have just grabbed her and told her how he felt. But each of those moments had led them to here… now. She wouldn't have been ready before and it may not have worked out. Fate had brought them together now; right now was for a reason. As he sat there thinking these things over, her thoughts mirrored his. They were always so in sync.

Suddenly he exclaimed "Beckett, don't you have to be at work?" She looked at him with a look he could not interpret. It was a combination of loss and relief.

"I resigned yesterday. I have all the time in the world."

"But what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet. I've been so immersed in my mother's case and my shooting that I don't know who I am without it. I guess now I will find out."

"So are you actually giving that up for good?"

"You were right Castle, it's not worth my life. I need to stop living in the past. Not now I have a future."

"Beckett, you don't just have a future, you have a family. Please tell me you'll stay."

She leant in, kissed him on the cheek and whispered "Always."


	2. Chapter 2

The evening drew in, Alexis escaped to her friend's house to avoid any awkward conversations (neither of them were quite ready for that one) and Castle and Beckett snuggled up on the sofa. Beckett was dressed in some old trackie bottoms and a t-shirt that Castle had found for her, as her clothes, drenched by the rain, needed to be washed and dried. Even with those messy curls, scruffy clothes and no make-up she still looked gorgeous. Castle couldn't take his eyes off her and she started to get irritated. "Seriously, Castle! Stop staring at me. It's getting a little creepy!" She said it with a cheeky smile on her face so he knew she wasn't serious. Well not too serious anyway. And besides, she was adorable when she was angry. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, planting a kiss on the top of her head. It made her smile and she nestled herself as close to him as was humanly possible, not wanting any distance between them. There had been too much distance lately and she needed the security.

Castle switched on 'The Killer', the John Woo movie that they had scheduled before all the drama. Castle and Beckett loved gory movies… something to do with their fascination with the macabre. Despite how fearless she was as a detective, the film still made her jump and a few times she actually buried her face in Castle's chest. He didn't mind; it was sweet. One time that she did that, he stroked her cheek and lifted her chin to look at him. That was all she needed, a small amount of eye-contact and the film faded into the background. The whole world did. There was only them. Lost in each other's eyes, Castle moved in for a kiss. It started softly at first, but the passion was burning under the surface and they couldn't hold it in. Alexis was out again for the night, so they had the place to themselves. Once again they were on the same page. Beckett manoeuvred herself on top of Castle. This time she couldn't stop to undo the buttons on his shirt; she tore it straight off of him. She ran her hands over his muscular chest and back up to his face where she pulled him into another kiss. This wasn't fair; she was still fully clothed. Castle decided he needed to rectify that and slipped his hands under her t-shirt to take it off. Beckett paused her kissing and pulled the t-shirt over her head leaving her topless. He stared at her again in adoration. That beautiful scar visible from where he lay, a reminder of that fateful day but proof that she could survive anything. He had to stay optimistic about that. There's no way he could survive losing her, especially now that he finally had her. He gently placed a kiss on her scar. She had been worried about showing her scars to him, physical and emotional, but he still found her beautiful despite her flaws. There was no judgement. He just loved her for her. She wished she could tell him the same. She did love him, there was no doubt. She didn't understand why the words still wouldn't come. Despite the lack of words, she showed him how much she loved him as they made love on the sofa.

They laid there in each other's arms for a while, until Beckett drifted off to sleep. He started to watch her sleep and chuckled at the memory of her saying it was creepy. He picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. He laid down next to her and put his arm across her, never wanting to let her go. It wasn't long before he fell asleep too.


	3. Chapter 3

Beckett was up and about long before Castle woke. She decided to make breakfast, and coffee of course. He had every breakfast item imaginable in the kitchen and she was struggling to decide what to make. She decided to go all out… sausages, bacon, eggs, pancakes. He awoke to the smell of bacon and sausages wafting through the loft. "Beckett?"

"Morning Castle. I was just about to wake you."

Castle rubbed his eyes to wake himself up and looked at the huge spread of food she had laid out on the table. It was a feast. "You really shouldn't have."

"I wanted to. You've put up with me for the last couple of days. It's just a little thank you. Speaking of which, I really need to go home today."

"Why? You can stay here as long as you like."

"I know that. But I need to take a shower, get clean clothes, and well basically go home. If I don't go soon I'm gonna have mail and newspapers piling up. Attracts burglars!"

"You know you can take a shower here right?" he said, with that cheeky grin that makes her roll her eyes.

"Maybe next time" she whispered in his ear as she got up to take the plates to the kitchen. His jaw dropped a little as he had visions of her in the shower. He was looking forward to 'next time'.

Beckett got dressed into her own clothes from the other night and collected up her things. She had decided to call Lanie and invite her over for the evening. They were in desperate need of a catch up! She had missed a few calls from Lanie yesterday. Guess she had heard about Beckett's near-death experience and her resignation from Esposito. "I'll see you tomorrow, Castle" she said as she kissed him in the doorway. This was the same doorway where they shared their first real kiss. Those memories would stay with her forever.

"Do you really have to go? Maybe you should come back here tonight?" he said with puppy-dog eyes. She found him hard to resist but she stayed strong and said goodbye.

Twenty minutes later she arrived home to a full mailbox and three papers on her doorstep. It really would have been bad to leave them any longer. It wasn't a great neighbourhood she lived in. She sat down on the sofa in her extraordinarily quiet apartment. It seemed lonely. Beckett took out her phone and dialled Lanie's number. "Oh my God, sweetie! Where have you been? I've been trying to get hold of you for days! I called you like a million times. You better have a good excuse for not calling me back. I was so worri-"

"Woah Lanie, calm down. And you only called me a couple of times."

"Seven times on your mobile and about 5 on your house phone. Plus I left you three messages." She looked to the answering machine to see the number four flashing on the display. Someone else must have tried to get hold of her too. She'd been pretty unreachable lately.

"I have a very good reason. Come over tonight, I have lots to tell you."

"You get the wine! I'm still pissed" but Beckett could hear a softening in Lanie's tone. "Is it good news or bad?"

"Just get over here, say 5 o'clock?"

"See you in a bit" And with that they hung up. She better get herself sorted out before Lanie arrived. She was in need of a shower. The last one she'd had was that downpour the other night. But she hated to wash the smell of Castle off of her. She found it oddly comforting now that she was all alone in her flat. She came out of the shower smelling like cherries. She knew how Castle loved that. How had she not known how he felt before. Looking back over the past, all those hints, suggestive comments, and the looks… oh those looks her gave her… she now understood what everyone else had always seen, right from the beginning.

Beckett pulled on some jeans and a nice top, trying to look slightly presentable. The bruises were really showing now so she went for a longer sleeved top to cover her arms a little. The pain wasn't too bad though. She'd definitely been through worse.

As she started to tidy up, she came to her self-made murder board and files and photos all over the floor. She wasn't sure what to do with them. Although she knew she should throw them out, and despite everything she said and wanted to feel, she still wasn't ready to let go completely. She decided to box them up and put them at the back of her closet. No-one had to know.

Five o'clock approached and the place was tidy… well tidy enough for Lanie anyway. Bottle of wine at the ready she watched the clock tick closer and closer to the time Lanie would arrive. She felt nervous, her heart pounded and her stomach was tied in knots. Lanie would be happy for her, she knew that. She'd been trying to force them together for four years now. It's just that Lanie was the first person she would tell. It made it seem more real and it scared her a little. Guess she wasn't ready to quit therapy just yet. Wine would have to do for tonight though. She poured two glasses knowing Lanie would be expecting one as she walked through the door.

Just as she finished pouring the glass, there was a knock at the door. "Oh my god! You finally slept with Castle!" were her first words as she entered the apartment. It wasn't even a question. Beckett stood there in silence looking shocked. "Sweetie, it's written all over your face."

Beckett didn't know what to say. She was literally speechless. Was she really that easy to read? No, it's just Lanie knew her so well… too well. "Kate, I want details!" she said demandingly. She always loved the gossip.

"Where should I start?"

"At the beginning obviously."

So Beckett began to tell her the story. She started with the links in the case to her shooting, and how she had found out who the sniper was. She hadn't realised how much Lanie had missed. It all seemed so long ago now though; it felt like weeks not days. She progressed on to how her and Espo tracked down the shooter and how she had fought him on the roof. There were gasps from Lanie as Beckett talked about the battle. She told her how she had heard Castle's voice when she was about to fall from the ledge and how that kept her hanging on. "It was then I realised how stupid I'd been. I didn't understand why I'd waited so long. It was clear as day… I knew that he was all I needed. I didn't care about the shooter anymore or my mother's murder. It's not worth my life. That's not how I wanted to die. So I resigned."

"I heard"

"Espo?"

"Yeah, I didn't get all the details but a brief overview. But then you weren't answering your phone and I got worried."

"I had a lot to think about. I took a walk in the rain and somehow ended up on Castle's doorstep."

"Ah, now this is the part of the story I was waiting for."

Beckett laughed "I know, you always want the juicy details"

"You better not leave any out!"

And she didn't. She told Lanie everything. "I'm not sure I'll be able to look at Castle in the same way again. Is it really that -"

"Mmm hmm." Beckett smiled a coy smile and Lanie raised her eyebrows. She was a little jealous.

"Hows Javi?"

"You want all the juicy details too?"

"Haha! No, is he ok? I feel terrible about what happened to him. He didn't take it well, understandably."

"He's not doing great, but I think it's mostly him missing Ryan. You know how they are, together 24/7. I think it's weird for him not having him now. Not sure he'll forgive him easily though."

"It's not Ryan's fault. I shouldn't have pushed Espo into that situation. And you know Ryan, he always wants to do the right thing. Too much conscience. But to be honest, if he hadn't turned up when he did, I wouldn't be here now. They'll make up. They're family."

"Mmmm, I hope so. So what are your plans now?"

"I'm not sure. Something low stress for a while. Maybe I'll just take a little time off for a bit. I am gonna miss having a gun though."

"Yeah, you were totally bad-ass with that thing. Must be nice being the girlfriend of a millionaire author. Time off… maybe a trip to the Hamptons?"

Beckett laughed. She had missed all this girl-talk. She'd been so wrapped up in everything lately that she hadn't really spoken to Lanie properly for weeks. "Trip to the Hamptons sounds nice, or maybe Europe?" she joked.

"You know he'd take you there if you asked." Again Lanie sounded a little jealous.

"I know he would."

"He really does love you, you know."

Beckett nodded.

"So you said it back, finally?"

Beckett slowly shook her head, feeling a little guilty. Lanie looked at her and shook her head too. She looked a little exasperated, but sympathetic. She knew this stuff was hard for Beckett. "Oh Kate, what are we gonna do with you."

"I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I say it? I do love him but the words won't come out."

"You've been hurt too many times, lost too much, more than anyone ever should. Saying it makes it real, opens your heart up, exposes you. Maybe you're not quite ready for that."

"I thought I was ready, thought that wall I'd put up had finally crumbled. But I guess not. Will I ever get there?"

"Honey, you went there, showed him how you feel, you've finally admitted it to yourself. All that's left standing of that wall is a couple of bricks. You'll get there."

Sometimes she thought Lanie should have become a therapist. She always knew what to say, and she knew Beckett inside out… probably better than Beckett knew herself. She gave her hope, something she hadn't a lot of recently. Tonight had been just what she needed. The two of them chatted for a few more hours, and around 11 o'clock Lanie left and she was all alone again. It's weird that this bothered her. She'd been living alone since she moved out when she was 18, with the exception of a couple of boyfriends she'd lived with for a few of months here and there. But suddenly it made her feel lonely. She missed having Castle around her. She gave him a call just to chat and convinced him that she didn't need him to come over. They talked for nearly an hour. Once they hung up she got into bed wishing that she'd asked him to come. The bed felt empty.

Then came a knock at the door. He had raced over there, possibly breaking a few speed limits. She didn't care. She wasn't a detective anymore and she just wanted him near her. She greeted him with a kiss and led him into the bedroom. He just held her until they both fell asleep. That was all they needed, just to be close. It was easier to fall asleep that way. As she drifted off she realised she was already becoming dependent on him. It didn't bother her, not anymore.

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_Please let me know what you think. Did I get the Lanie/Beckett relationship right? Going to cover the 4th msg and Castle/Alexis in later chapters, but haven't decided totally on where I want to go next. I would love feedback. Let me know if you want more_ ;)


	4. Chapter 4

Earlier that day…

With less distraction now Beckett was gone, Castle realised he should really prepare for his talk with Alexis. Before he could even think about what he was going to say, he needed to sort the house out. Alexis would be irritated by how messy the place was… it was beyond messy! And he needed her in a good mood. He still wasn't sure how she turned out like that after being raised by him. Most kids would be the ones making the mess, but she was the one worrying about it. Maybe she was overcompensating. As he sorted out the apartment and started on lunch, he wondered how long she would actually be. She'd hardly been back to the loft in the last couple of days, but they couldn't avoid each other forever. They really needed to talk about what was going on. What was he going to say? What was in fact going on? He and Kate hadn't really talked about it properly. As far as he was concerned, they were together, but what if she wasn't ready for that much commitment yet. Now he had to feel nervous about another conversation he was going to have to have. Surely being in love shouldn't be this daunting, he thought to himself.

Castle heard footsteps by the door, the key turning unusually quietly and then quick, quiet, tiptoeing footsteps as Alexis tried to get past him without being seen. "Alexis?"

"Damn it!" she muttered under her breath. She was hoping that she would be able to avoid this conversation for a little longer. She knew what was coming and knew it would leave them both feeling incredibly awkward. "Hey Dad" she said, trying to sound casual.

"Alexis, we really need to talk."

"Do we? Really?"

"Yes, it's about -"

"Dad I know what it's about. You and Beckett right? It's fine, we don't have to have some big discussion about it. I'd rather not think about the details. I've already learned far too much about you working at the morgue." She suddenly had a teasing look on her face and he knew that she was going to be ok with this…. as long as he spared the details. He preferred it that way too.

"Well we're dating… I think. We've not really talked about it properly yet, but -"

"She loves you and you love her. I get it. I'm really happy for you, Dad. Just promise me nothing has to change."

"Things are going to change. Everything changes remember." He smiled a little trying to stop that little frown that was appearing on Alexis' face. "It'll be ok. Sometimes things change for the better. You're going to be at Columbia most of the time anyway and I'll have Beckett here to keep me company while you're away. You and I, we'll be the same old us. Laser tag at the weekends-"

"Not every weekend. Don't forget I can't be coming home all the time." The thought of this made her sad, but she knew she had to try. She'd never been away from home properly. What if Beckett took her place? What if they did all the things that she and her Dad used to do?

"I know, I know. Space and all that. But I'll save it for you on the weekends you come home. Beckett being around isn't going to come between us. She's not replacing you. It's still you and me."

Alexis knew she was being silly. Their relationship was the strongest she'd ever known. No-one could come between them. She'd had boyfriends and he'd had girlfriends and nothing had really changed at all, but somehow this time felt different. She didn't know if it's because there was a lot of change happening all at once or because this time she knew it was real. She'd seen the chemistry between them since the beginning too. If any relationship was going to last, it would be his and Beckett's. She knew that Beckett made her Dad happy; she could see the changes in him already. "So I wonder who won the bet?" she said, to lighten the mood.

"Huh?"

"Didn't you know? The whole precinct has had a pool going for the last four years about how long it would take you guys to get together. Just wondering who's won."

"How do you know about this?"

"Lanie filled me in on it. I really did learn a lot working there."

"Hmmm… too much it seems." And they both laughed. Castle looked at Alexis "Do you know what we need?" A big grin spread across her face. Simultaneously they exclaimed "Ice-cream!"

That was the end of that conversation. It had gone better than he'd thought and ice-cream always helped in these situations. Now all he wanted to do was sit down with his daughter and have a normal afternoon with her. He hadn't had normal in what seemed like a very long time. They chatted about her last couple of days and plans for the next few. She told him that she'd met a boy at her graduation party and… *silent pause*; she left him hanging for a minute, enjoying watching the horror on his face as he thought about where that sentence could be going. Then she laughed and told him she was joking. He started to understand why she didn't want any details about his relationship with Beckett; he definitely did not want any information concerning her love life. It was territory he wanted to avoid for as long as possible. The evening continued just the same. They watched a zombie movie (which they both screamed all the way through), ate some dinner, and at around 10 o'clock Alexis headed to bed. In some ways it was a perfect evening. It was just what he needed… some normality.

It was just past 11 o'clock and Castle's phone began to ring. It was Beckett. Was she missing him already? He chuckled to himself as he answered the phone. As they talked, it was obvious to him that she wished he was there. She wouldn't admit it. She was always trying to act strong and independent, and bloody stubborn. As they hung up, he wrote a note to Alexis "Gone to Beckett's. Back in the morning", and then he picked up his coat and the keys to his Ferrari and drove as fast as he could to her apartment. He was going to take advantage of any sign of weakness in her to weasel his way in. Seeing the look of relief on her face as she opened the door, he knew he'd made the right decision. As he looked into those beautiful hazel eyes and kissed those soft rosy lips, he saw that she was glowing, or maybe it was just that he hadn't seen her in a while. Either way it made his heart melt. She took his hand and led him towards the bedroom. He knew that she just needed him to be there for her tonight, so he laid down next to her and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. It wasn't long before he was asleep too. As he slept, a smile crept across his face. It was the happiest he'd been in a very long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Beckett was tossing and turning in the bed, whimpering "Rick" in her sleep. It had woken Castle up and he tried to comfort her. Suddenly she awoke, screaming. She had been reliving that day as she hung off the ledge, holding on with only one hand, her life about to end. She looked at Castle and a tear ran down her face. He smoothed it away with his thumb and kissed her where it had fallen. "It's ok, Kate. I'm here. You're safe." But she didn't feel safe. Not here. At his loft she was distracted from all of this; it was somewhere different where her life didn't revolve around her mother's murder or her shooting. But her home was where she had always investigated these events. She had lived and breathed them here, every day, for as long as she could remember. She needed to get out of the apartment. She looked at the clock, it read 5:23am. It was too early to really do anything, but she got dressed and decided she would go for a run. Castle tried to dissuade her, but it was what she needed. "Stay in bed. I'll be back soon" she reassured him. He watched the pain on her face but knew there was nothing he could do until she let him in. It was something she had to work through on her own. It's just how she was.

She left the apartment and started to run. It helped her clear her head. Plus, she had to get out of there. She couldn't breathe at home. She felt suffocated by the past. Even having Castle there didn't help. She was all alone. As she ran, the deep breaths calmed her and gradually she started to feel a little better, a little more in control. She didn't know how long she had been running for or where she had been running to. She had ended up halfway across the city. She felt like she was ready to turn back. By the time she got back home, it was nearly 8am. Castle was pacing as she walked through the door "I was worried sick. Where did you go?"

"I told you to stay in bed. I'm fine. Just needed to clear my head."

"How did you expect me to sleep with you running around out there? With your track record, you could have been getting into who knows what trouble."

"I can look after myself, Castle. I've been doing it a long time."

He knew he couldn't fight her on this one. She wasn't one to back down and he didn't want to argue with her, so he just nodded and shut up. "What do you want for breakfast? Pancakes?" He suddenly had flashbacks to the last time he made pancakes in her apartment, Ryan and Esposito making little quips about them. He chuckled a little. I guess now they would be right. He couldn't wait to tell them, to see the looks on their faces. It felt like ages since he'd seen them, but he guessed it wouldn't happen much now Beckett had resigned. Maybe he should invite them over for a poker game? He would try not to clean them out. Beckett nodded to pancakes and went to take a shower. Guess this wouldn't be the 'next time' shower. She was clearly not in the mood.

She got out of the shower and got dressed into some clean clothes. The way those skinny jeans hugged her curves made his heart race. She gave him _that_ look and he realised he had been staring. He'd missed that little glare she does, followed by an eye roll. It always made him laugh. He felt like they were getting back to their normal selves after all the bumps lately. On her way to the kitchen, she walked past the phone and saw the number '4' still flashing red on the answering machine. She thought she ought to listen to the messages so she could delete them. She didn't want her machine getting filled up with panicked messaged from Lanie. Not that she was expecting to get any other messages anytime soon. No-one really needed to get hold of her now she wasn't working for the NYPD.

Beckett pressed play and listened through endless ramblings from Lanie, being her usual overdramatic self. Then she came to the fourth message. She heard a voice that she didn't recognise… but Castle did. He dropped the plate he was holding and it smashed on the floor. She looked over to him to see that all of the colour had drained from his face. He looked white as a sheet. She focused on the message. She needed to hear what the man was saying. "-coming after you. I tried my best to keep you safe. It was important to Montgomery, but there's nothing I can do now. I'm so sorry. They took all the information that was keeping you safe and have put a hit out on you. You should get as far away from here as possible. It's up to you to protect yourself now. Not that there's much that you can do. These are powerful people and they want you dead. I wish you the best. I'm sorry." Beckett's heart skipped a beat and her breath hitched. She was suffocating. She wrapped her arms around herself as if trying to hold herself together. Her legs gave way under her and Castle caught her just before she hit the floor. She thought it had been over. She thought that she could finally be happy. She had stopped investigating but they were still coming after her. Her head spun, partially because she still wasn't breathing properly. She had started to hyperventilate. The morbid tone of the mysterious voice, the way he talked like her death was inevitable, reverberated around her head. 'He's … a voice on the phone. He's a shadow in a parking garage'… she knew who it was.

Castle held her in his arms and took her over to the sofa. He placed a hand on either side of her face and looked her straight in the eyes. The colour of his eyes, blue as the ocean, calmed her. It was like staring into the sea, watching the steady ebb and flow of the water. "It's ok, Kate. It's ok. I love you." He took her hand and placed it on his chest. It helped her to slow her heart rate as she matched it to his and she breathed along with him too. She placed her head on his chest to listen to his heart beating and felt the steady rise and fall. It lulled her into a calmer state and for a moment she was distracted. Castle held her tight, not wanting to ever let her go. He didn't want to let on how terrified he was; he needed to stay strong for her. He wasn't sure if his heart rate would give him away so he lifted her head and kissed her. He kissed away the tears falling from her eyes, the salty taste physically hurt him. Pain shot through his heart, his stomach; it made him feel hopeless. He hated to see her like this; it was heart-breaking. He kissed along her jaw, to her beautiful soft lips, kissing her ever so gently. He kissed back along her jaw and whispered "I love you, Kate" into her ear. His lips then made their way down her neck, and as her hands ran through his hair pulling him closer, his kisses became more urgent, more passionate. He trailed kisses along her collarbone, finding her pulse point. He could feel the vibrations of her heart pounding through his lips. He moved down towards her chest, undoing her top button to reveal the scar of her bullet wound. He placed a kiss over it; he always acknowledged it. It was proof she was still alive and was a survivor and right now that thought was the only one that was keeping him going. As he paused there, Kate increased the grip on his hair and pulled him up towards her lips. She was not going to let him stop, not going to give time to a single thought going on in either of their heads. She couldn't think, she just needed to be. As they kissed, she intertwined her hand with his and stood up. She placed one hand behind his head to hold their lips together and backed across the lounge towards her bedroom. She didn't care about the bruises from bumping into things along the way or the lamp that she smashed as they collided with the side table. She cared about nothing in the moment, nothing but him. This was just the distraction they both needed. The only distraction that would work.

* * *

_I wanted to bring a proper storyline into my fanfic. Something to keep it going over many more chapters. Plus I love a touch of drama lol. Let me know what you think. Also, I've noticed that when things get tough and very real for them in the show, they tend to use first names more, so I've decided that as that happens I'm going to start using Kate and Rick in the narration too. Let me know what you think of this too or if you think I should continue with just Castle and Beckett in the narration? Thank you! :)_


	6. Chapter 6

The distraction could only last for so long and as they lay there, breathing still heavy and hearts barely starting to slow, those thoughts they'd been trying to avoid all rushed in at once. Castle could feel the tears pooling in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. It would be ok. It had to be. She had to be. He couldn't handle losing her. He felt her hand searching the bed for his and he wrapped his fingers around hers. She gripped his fingers so tightly it worried him; he could sense how scared she was. They both stared at the ceiling and neither said a word, not for a long time. Finally he looked over to her; the fear on her face crushed him. He was so used to her being strong, prepared to fight a war, but now she just looked defeated. She looked as though she'd already used every ounce of strength she had and there was nothing left. "Kate. Kate." he repeated her name but still she refused to look over at him. She knew that if she looked at him, her tears would start falling and it was taking everything she had to hold them in. She had already cried enough in front of him. It made her feel vulnerable when she needed to feel strong. How could she feel strong right now though? What could she do to prevent this? Like the voice on the answering machine emphasised, her death was highly probable. No! What was she doing? She was never one to give up. Kate got out of bed, put on her clothes and headed into the lounge. She needed a murder board. If they were coming after her anyway, she might as well solve this thing. "What are you doing?" Castle asked as he followed her into the room.

"Solving the case. Both cases. The only way to stop them is to catch them."

"Or we could just get you out of here. Take a trip away. The Hamptons? Europe? Thailand? Anywhere you want to go."

"You think they'll stop if they can't find me? They'll never stop hunting. Eventually they'll catch me and I'll be dead! Unless I get to them first."

"You've been searching for them for years, over a decade. What makes you think they'll be so easy to find now? Especially now you don't work at the precinct."

Kate slumped down onto the sofa. She knew he was right. How was she meant to investigate without any of her police contacts or equipment? Again she felt despondent. Castle saw that look on her face again… defeat. At least when she was planning an uprising against the murderers he could see passion and determination in her. After all, isn't that what he fell in love with? He thought back to what he had told her years ago 'Most people come up against a wall, they give up. Not you. You don't let go. You don't back down. That's what makes you extraordinary.' And she was extraordinary. And that was part of the reason he loved her. Why is it that the thing you love most about a person is always the one thing that drives you crazy? In their case it could quite easily get her killed.

As much as he hated it, he knew he could never get her to leave, and he also knew she was right… if she stayed, she was dead. She had to fight. But not alone.

Castle disappeared into the bedroom, muttering something about making a few calls. She had switched off by this point. She was falling deeper and deeper into a pit of despair. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, she thought to herself, maybe a few windows to make it seem brighter for a moment, but the tunnel never ends. She felt like she was never going to escape. It was too much! She couldn't cope with this. Castle came back into the room to find her curled in a ball on the sofa. He lifted her head and told her to dry the tears that had finally escaped from her eyes. She had stopped being strong… stopped fighting it. Now he was fighting. He was being strong for her. She took strength from him and tried to control her tears. He smiled at her and she couldn't help but smile back. That smile always took her breath away. "Right, I'm going to put the kettle on" he said, sounding oddly chirpy for the situation they were in. She looked at him, confused. Where had this attitude appeared from? Not 10 minutes ago he had been all doom and gloom like her.

Just as the kettle finished boiling, there was a knock on the door. "Kate, get that will you." It was her apartment, she thought, of course she was going to get it. In through the door walked Esposito, Lanie and, following behind, an apologetic-looking Ryan. Esposito glared back at Ryan before greeting Kate. "Yo, Beckett. Glad to see you're doing better."

"She's doing more than better" quipped Lanie, and Kate shot her a look. Lanie rolled her eyes and the guys both looked confused. As did Kate. "What are you all doing here?"

Espo answered. "Writer-boy called. Said you needed us. All of us." There was a hint of anger in his voice, no doubt directed towards Ryan and the thought that he shouldn't be there. Kate overlooked this. She didn't have the strength to deal with it now. Later, she thought.

Castle emerged from the kitchen with 5 mugs of coffee. Kate looked up and smiled at him, and Lanie chuckled. "Seriously, what are we missing?" asked Esposito. Kate glared at Lanie again, knowing that now she would have to tell them. "Umm… well…"

Lanie interrupted "Kate and Castle are finally sleeping together. Took them long enough, right?" Castle and Kate looked a little embarrassed. Ryan and Espo just looked shocked. It's not that they weren't expecting it to happen sometime, but for it to be thrown right out there… Lanie really had a way of saying it like it was. And it wasn't the information they were planning on learning when they agreed to come round. Espo and Ryan shot grins at each other, before they remembered that they weren't talking. They both hated it, but neither would back down and admit they were wrong. Espo then glared at Ryan as though it was his fault that he had let down his guard for a fleeting moment.

Ryan suddenly blew up "Look, I was trying to do the right thing. It's not my fault you two were stupid enough to go in without back-up. Beckett nearly died because of it. I couldn't sit by and watch you two get yourselves killed. I care about you too much. I'd rather have you both hate me than see you dead on a slab in Lanie's morgue." The look of horror on Lanie's face when she thought of that brought them all back to reality. No-one was prepared for Ryan's outburst, he never spoke out. But what he said was true… and it was true to who he was. He always thought about the consequences of any action; he wasn't one to make rash decisions or do anything foolish. Some saw this as a bad thing, but at the end of the day, he had saved Beckett's life. Ryan turned to Esposito "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen to you. I was just worried for the two of you, going in without back-up. I had to back you up and it's the only way I knew how. We're partners. I'll always have your back."

Kate put her hand across to touch Ryan's knee. "Thank you for saving my life. I don't know what I'd have done if you weren't there."

Espo looked at Kate's hand "Hey girl, don't go making Castle jealous!" and everybody laughed. The mood was lifted somewhat. Esposito hadn't totally forgiven Ryan, he was still suspended after all, but he was definitely softening. "So what is it we're here for then?"

Castle stood up and walked towards the phone. He pressed play and the message from earlier was repeated. There was silence across the room. Kate felt like her insides were about to fall apart again, she was struggling to breathe, and Castle felt just as hopeless as before. Then Espo stood up "Those sons of bitches! I'm gonna kill them!"

"With what? We don't have our guns anymore" argued Kate

Ryan interjected "No, but I do!"

"Before you guys go doing anything stupid, maybe you two should go get your jobs back. You have no authority right now. You go killing guys and you'll be done for murder. You two really are too impulsive." Thank God Lanie was being the rational one. So that was next on their list, but it wasn't going to be simple. Gates wouldn't easily agree and even if she did, there's no way she'd let her solve this case herself. They would be back in the same boat as before. But it was still a better boat than the one they were in now. Time to grovel, she thought. She'd rather take a beating than beg Gates to take her back! But it had to be done. It was the only way she could save herself. It wasn't revenge or even justice that drove her now. It was survival.

* * *

_Thank you everyone for your reviews. They really do help. They let me know what it is I'm getting right so I keep doing it and if there's anything I need to work on to make my writing better (plus I'm enjoying the ego boost, haha!) So thank you! :) Hope you all enjoy this chapter and stay tuned for the next. _


	7. Chapter 7

It had been four days since Kate had walked out of the precinct, planning never to return, but here she was again. Standing by the doors of the elevator with people bustling past her, she stood frozen, watching as the doors opened and closed. She watched people getting on with their days as normal, with not a care in the world. She envied them. She was not sure how long she had been standing there, building up the courage to step through those doors. Someone barged into her and snapped her back into reality. Seriously, how bad could it be? She'd spent the last 13 years chasing down murderers; all she had to do today was convince Gates to take her back. Kate walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the 12th precinct.

It was weird walking past her empty desk, past Esposito's too. She felt like she didn't really belong here anymore. It used to be where she felt most at home, but everything had changed. She had changed. But she needed to be back so she would suck it up. She could feel eyes on her and hear the sounds of whispered voices as she headed towards Gates' office.

Gates was on the phone when she spotted Kate standing outside her door. "I'll have to call you back" she said and hung up. She looked shocked to see her there, but signalled for her to come in.

"What brings you back here, Beckett?"

"I made a rash decision and I'm here to ask for my job back. I'm really sorry for everything."

"That's your problem, Beckett. You are too impetuous… and it makes you reckless. I won't have you back. You've proven to be a liability. You refuse to follow orders, hide things from your captain and put not only yourself, but other detectives in life-threatening situations. I can't have that in my precinct! I'm sorry." She wasn't sorry, she was just a hard-ass on a power trip, thought Kate.

"But, Sir…"

"I suggest you leave my precinct."

Kate stormed out of Gates' office, slamming the door behind her. As she headed back to the elevator she could feel the tears pooling in her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was the anger, rejection, or the impact this would have on her case that was causing it, but she couldn't let it out. Not here. Not in front of any of these people. She escaped the building and was grateful for the rain that had started to fall. It disguised any tears that betrayed her. She made her way to the playground, to that swing set. It was her thinking place. It was empty due to the rain so it gave her the opportunity to just sit undisturbed. She sat and let the rain wash all the thoughts from her head. Part of her wished she could just drown in it… the part of her that was weak… the very small part of her that she buried deep and tried not to think about. She was strong; she'd been through this before and survived. It was different this time as she had more to lose, but she also had more to fight for. Kate felt like she needed to sit there a little longer before she could handle going home. There was so much to face once she got there.

Esposito, meanwhile, received a call from Gates. It turned out she wanted him back. "Without Detective Beckett's influence, you are a pretty good cop. And Ryan's work is not up to scratch without you. He's moping around and I can't have that. There are murders that need solving, and as much as I hate to admit it, you two make a pretty good team."

"So what about Beckett?"

"What about her?"

"Are you not letting her back on the force? You know she's the best homicide detective here."

"She's also the most unpredictable and insubordinate detective I've ever met. And I don't trust her. I need people in this team I can rely on. I trust that I can count on you Detective Esposito?"

"Yes, Sir." Esposito grudgingly agreed. He hated that Beckett would not be back on the team, but at least he was. She had an in with he and Ryan back together on the force, though they would have to work the case behind Gates' back. He wondered if Ryan could do that, with still a hint of bitterness in his thoughts. It did make him feel better to know that Ryan had been moping. Ryan needed him, and they had been through enough together to get through this hurdle. After all Ryan had been right before about saving Beckett's life, not that he would admit it! But they were partners… more than that, they were brothers.

Esposito called Kate as soon as he got off the phone with Gates. He needed to talk to her, to tell her the good news. She looked at her phone as Esposito's name appeared on the screen. She let it ring. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

He guessed he should probably call Ryan too. If they were going to have to work together again, they should probably be on speaking terms. As Ryan answered the phone he sounded overjoyed. He'd already heard that Espo had been reinstated. Hearing Ryan ramble on about what was going on at the precinct and all the gossip he'd heard, he couldn't help but smile. It was just so normal. Suddenly there was silence on the line. "You there, Javi?"

"Yeah, I'm here. So what's the plan then about Beckett? What are we gonna do?"

"Well we can't talk about it here at the precinct. How about we meet at The Old Haunt?"

"See you there brother."


	8. Chapter 8

An hour later, Ryan arrived at The Old Haunt. Esposito had arrived a few minutes earlier and was waiting for him at the bar. "Whisky straight up, and a glass of warm milk with honey for my partner here."

"I'll take a beer, thanks."

Esposito had cooled off a bit, now that he had his job back. He had missed Ryan too much to stay angry at him forever. He wasn't beyond punishing Ryan a little before he admitted that he had more or less forgiven him. He was going to milk it for all it was worth. Maybe he could get out of some paperwork or get to drive. He loved to watch Ryan's face when he made him ride in the passenger seat. Espo was a risky driver and Ryan was always on the edge of his seat, holding on with both hands.

They took a corner booth in an area of the pub that was unoccupied. It was dark and dingy; they needed as much privacy as they could get. Being overheard could have fatal consequences and they didn't know how many people they were fighting, let alone who they were. "So how are we going to do this without Gates finding out?" asked Ryan.

"Well, we should be ok if you don't go telling her again!"

"I've already told you I'm sorry for what happened. What else do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it." He used a snarky tone, but wondered if he was pushing it too far. Ryan started looking a little upset and he hated that it made him feel guilty.

Just then, Castle came in through the doors looking worried. Espo spotted him and called him over. He was soaked through like he had been stood out in the rain for hours. Turned out he had. "Have you seen or heard from Beckett? She never came back from the precinct and she's not answering her phone. I've been walking round the city searching for her; I looked everywhere I could think of."

"No, I tried calling her earlier but it just rung and rung. She never picked up. Gates refused to give Beckett her job back. You know she tends to wander off when she needs to clear her head. She'll be back."

"Or she's been attacked! I should never have let her out of my sight. She can't just go wandering around when she's got a hit out on her."

"Calm down, Castle. I'm sure she's absolutely fine. Try calling her again. You'll get through eventually, I'm sure of it." said Ryan.

Castle took a deep breath and nodded. He dialled Kate's number and it rang and rang with no answer, so he tried again. This time it cut off after only two rings. She'd rejected his call? His phone beeped to indicate he'd had a message come through: _'I'm ok Castle. Can't talk now. I'll meet you back at your place in an hour or so. Kate. x'_

Can't talk now? Where was she that she wasn't able to talk? Or what was she doing? He was still worried, but felt a little more reassured. At least she was safe.

"She's ok."

"Told ya so man. Sit down. I'll get another round in." offered Espo.

"I should probably be getting back."

"Is she home now then?"

"No, not for an hour or so."

"Then you've got at least 45 minutes to spend with us. We've hardly seen you in the last week" insisted Ryan. "And it seems you've had some big developments going on in your life."

"Can't believe you didn't call. That's the kind of news you call with! I thought we were meant to be a team. A family!" Espo pretended to be offended.

Castle laughed. "I was a little preoccupied."

Esposito and Ryan both raised their eyebrows simultaneously and grins filled their faces. "Right I'm gonna go grab us some beers, and then when I get back we want details."

Ryan nodded in agreement. As Espo disappeared around the corner, Castle asked "Is everything ok with you two now then?"

"I honestly don't know. There's times when I can't tell if he's joking or being serious when he says things. But mostly it seems like we're getting back to normal."

"That's good then. There's no way he can stay angry with you for long."

"I hope not. It's been a hell of a week."

"Speaking of which, I never got to thank you for saving Beckett's life. I don't know what I'd have done if you hadn't been there. I wouldn't survive losing her."

"I know. No matter the problems it caused, I'm glad too that I was there. None of us would have gotten over it if she hadn't made it back. She holds our family together."

"That's why we're here isn't it?" Esposito had arrived back with the drinks and joined back into the conversation. "So where do we stand in the investigation now? What leads do we have?"

Ryan started "Well there's the sniper, if we can get any more info on him."

"And the mystery voice on the phone. If we can track him down, he has answers. Not that he'll be willing to share. But he definitely knows who we're dealing with" added Castle

"But Beckett was right; this did all start with a load of corrupt cops. We don't know who we can trust" warned Espo.

Ryan reasoned "With Beckett off the force, they'll be less suspicious of us. As long as we're careful and don't search into too much at once and under one ID we might be ok. We'll have to get snippets. Take it slow."

"Not too slow. Beckett's got a target on her head" argued Castle. "Come round to mine. I've been investigating this for a while. Got a murder board at home."

"Sure" they replied.

"And it's a smart board!"

Ryan looked excited now. They had always wanted one for the precinct. Beckett thought the white board was sufficient, but the boys like their toys.

"Come over tomorrow and we'll start."

"We best check in at the precinct in the morning. Hopefully we can escape for the afternoon though. We'll give you a call when we're free" suggested Ryan

"Yeah, we don't want to just go turning up and you and Beckett are indecently dressed."

"Or worse."

"Oh because that would make a change, you guys interrupting at the worst possible moment" said Castle.

Ryan and Esposito feigned innocence. "We don't know what you're talking about."

They all laughed. It felt nice to laugh. They had all missed it. Lately there hadn't been much to laugh about.

"Guess we should go. I think lover boy needs to be getting home to the missus!" Esposito gestured towards Castle.

Castle grinned. They were teasing, but they had no idea how happy the thought of going home to Kate made him. He could put up with all their wisecracks. He was too in love to care. He realised he was turning into Ryan. What was the world coming to? He chuckled. Ryan and Esposito looked at him bewildered; he was in a world of his own.

"Your happiness is nauseating! Get out of here before I'm sick" joked Espo.

"I better get home to Jenny too. She'll be wondering where I am" added Ryan

"You two are ridiculous. So, now I have no wingmen?"

"Sorry Espo. Between a night with you and a night with Beckett, I know which I choose" answered Castle.

"Fair enough. I'd probably make the same choice. Maybe I'll give Lanie a call…"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "You two need to stop fooling around and just get back together already!"

"Neither of us knows what we want."

"But all the same, you still keep falling into bed on a fairly regular basis. You're pretty much dating anyway."

"Yeah, but without all the hassle that comes with a proper relationship. I just get the best bits." Esposito winked and Ryan rolled his eyes again.

"Tomorrow, yeah? My place?" Castle asked, to confirm their plans.

"See you tomorrow, writer boy!" replied Espo.

"And don't forget to call first!" said Castle, with a cheeky grin on his face. Espo shook his head and smiled.

"We'll call."


	9. Chapter 9

Kate had been sat on that swing for nearly an hour and a half, letting the rain wash over her. She was ice cold and shivering, goosebumps covering every inch of her body, but she still wasn't ready to go home. She needed more time. She needed someone to talk to, someone she trusted, and who would listen to her without judgement, someone who she had always managed to be open and honest with. He was the only person she could talk to about these things. She wasn't sure what it was about him, but she always felt safe there, in Dr Burke's office.

She didn't have an appointment, but he was usually fine about seeing her. To be honest, most of the time she tended to just show up unannounced. She never knew when she was going to need him, so it was hard to know when to schedule an appointment.

She walked through the doors of his building, leaving a trail of rainwater as she walked. She was so drenched that the water was still pouring off of her. At least it was warm in there though. She spoke to the receptionist who told her it was fine to go straight on up; she would call and let him know.

Just as she arrived at his office, the door opened.

"Kate? What happened to you?"

"I took a walk in the rain."

"Looks like it was more than a walk. How long were you out there?"

"About two hours or so."

"Take your jacket off and tell me why you're here." Dr Burke gestured for her to sit in the chair by the heater. She was thankful for that. She sat down and began retelling him the story of what had happened recently. She told him about her fight with the sniper, the recent death threat, and her new relationship with Castle.

"That's terrible Kate, I'm really sorry. How are you coping with that? How is it affecting your PTSD symptoms?"

"No, the PTSD is better. Most of those symptoms have gone now. I still get the nightmares sometimes, but the rest seem to be gone. The nightmares have changed. Now I'm falling off the building over and over. I've been waking up screaming. And I literally do have crosshairs on my back again, and there's not a lot I can do about it. I have to go after these guys. I have to stop them."

"Is that a good idea?"

"What else is there? If I don't, they will kill me anyway."

"Are you positive that they are coming after you?"

"Castle believes this guy, trusts what he says. And I trust Castle. So yes, I'm positive."

"I know there's no changing your mind. Just be careful, ok?"

"I will."

"Now, let's talk about Rick Castle." he said. "So, you finally took that step and told him how you feel about him. That's a big step for you. How do you feel now he knows?"

"I don't feel empty anymore. That something missing... I think it was him. I can still feel the weight of my mother's murder and my shooting, but it's less now."

"That's good."

Her phone started to buzz. It was Castle. She'd already missed 5 calls from him. He must be worried. He rung again and this time she pressed 'reject'. She wasn't ready to talk to him. She needed to sort out her head first, but she ought to text him to let him know she was ok.

"Was that Rick?"

"Yeah. I'll talk to him later."

"You're still unsure of yourself around him. I can see that you're scared. What is it that you're scared of, Kate?"

"I don't know… maybe I was still too late. I've wasted so much time. What if my time is nearly up? And I only have a week, a month, a year with him. We could have had the last four years."

"Or you could have rushed into it when you weren't ready and it could have been over, without even having those first four years. The way you talk about him, the way you've always spoken about him, those four years, you were in a relationship with him. It may have been platonic, but it doesn't make the love you shared any less real."

Kate sat quietly, lost in thought. He didn't disturb her, he just let her think. She thought about what Dr Burke had said, that she may have lost him four years ago. That would have been worse. She couldn't have gotten through these past years without him. He had been there for her through everything, even when he should have walked away. Even when she treated him badly, he had stuck around. She thought about all the heartache she has caused him over the years. The way that she had flirted with him, and then flaunted these men that she was dating in front of him. At the time she hadn't realised how he felt or hadn't wanted to admit it to herself, but he had loved her all this time. She felt like she had somehow cheated on him. It made no sense, but the guilt was there. Why did he love her? Why had he stayed all this time? She didn't feel like she deserved it. She couldn't even tell him she loved him back.

A single tear ran down her cheek.

"Kate?"

She looked up. She had forgotten where she was. "I'm really sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Do you want to tell me what's upsetting you?"

"I don't deserve him. He is good, and honest, and loving. And I'm a mess. Damaged goods."

"Yes, you've been through a lot. But why does that mean you don't deserve to be happy? You dedicate your life to fighting crime, doing good."

"I have dedicated my life to getting revenge on the people that killed my mother."

"Is that really how you see it?"

Kate looked away and stared out of the window at the rain hammering down outside.

"You fight for justice, Kate. Justice not only for yourself and your mother, but for hundreds, maybe thousands of others. You fight for the truth. That is good, honest work, Kate. It makes you a good person. You need to learn to accept that you do deserve to be happy, deserve to be loved. Rick sees the good in you. He accepts who you are and loves every part of you. The good and the bad."

"I know... I love him too."

"The good and the bad?"

She laughed. "Yeah, the good and the bad." She thought about all the ways he irritated her, how he got jealous when he saw her with other guys, how he always did stupid things when trying to help her. These things just made her love him more. Maybe he felt the same about her.

"Then that's what you need to tell him. Are you ready to do that?"

"I think so."

She was ready, at least, to go home now. She felt better. Dr Burke had not done anything that could save her from the snipers, but he had saved her from herself. There was just one more place to go before she headed over to Castle's apartment. One more person to see... her mother. She walked back through the rain to the graveyard. She was more aware of the cold now, more aware of her surroundings. She was no longer walking around in a daze. Her mother's grave was inscribed with the words 'Vincit Omnia Veritas' meaning 'Truth conquers all things'. She took power from that. Her mother had always been her source of strength. Even in death that had not changed. She realised that she knew what she wanted, what she needed to say. The hint of a smile appeared on her lips; she knew she was ready.


	10. Chapter 10

Castle was just taking his coat off as he heard a knock at the door. 'Kate' he thought. He was so relieved that she was finally home. He opened the door to see her standing there shivering, rainwater still running down her face and dripping off of the tip of her nose. It was like déjà vu. But this time it was he who embraced her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her on the end of her nose, catching a raindrop on his lips. He then kissed her on the top of her head and buried his face in her hair for a moment, just to be close to her, to inhale her scent. Despite the rain, he could still smell the cherries from her shampoo. That scent always made him want her. In the precinct, before they were together, it was inappropriate, but now he could have her… right now. He pressed his lips to hers passionately and slammed her back against the door. He decided he quite liked déjà vu. She did too. Alexis was out again. Castle wasn't sure if it was a convenient coincidence or if she was making herself scarce. Either way, they were not going to be disturbed.

Castle lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, her back against the wall; he kissed her more and more forcefully. His lips pushed hers apart; he could taste the rainwater on her lips as he ran his tongue along them, and then on her neck. Her wet hair was sticking to her skin. He pushed it back from her face, running his fingers through her hair. As he kissed along her collarbone, it made her bite her lip. He tore her shirt open and ran his tongue down her chest. They were not going to make it to the bedroom. They had sex up against the wall. It wasn't sweet and loving like before; it was rough and passionate and HOT! It was the way he had imagined it; he always thought she'd be a little rough, and maybe a little bit kinky. He was excited for that.

They collapsed onto the floor and she lay on top of him. Laid chest to chest, they could feel the other's heart pounding. As their breathing returned to normal, Kate sat up, straddling him, and he put his hands out behind him to hold himself up. They sat in silence as she just stared at him for a couple of minutes. "This is getting a little creepy" he joked, quoting her. She raised her finger to his lips to hush him. She stared deep into those gorgeous blue eyes. This was the moment. She moved her finger from his lips and slowly ran it down the side of his face and along his jaw. "I love you, Rick."

Now he was staring. He took her hand from the side of his face and held it in his. The biggest smile spread across his face; she was smiling too. He pulled her close with his other hand and softly kissed her lips. For now, they had forgotten anything going on in the outside world. This was a milestone for them and they were going to cherish it. Nothing and no-one else existed in this place. They were happy.

* * *

_I know this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I didn't want to overcrowd it with other plot points. I thought this scene warranted it's own chapter. Hope you enjoy it as much as I loved writing it. Again, I would love your feedback. Thanks :)_


	11. Chapter 11

Another morning spent half-naked in Rick's apartment. Kate watched as he pottered about, getting ready for Ryan and Espo to come over. She sat on his office chair, wearing a dark blue shirt… one of his shirts. She wore it with the top few buttons undone showing a lot of cleavage. She had one foot up on the chair with her arms wrapped around her leg, and she was biting her lip. Seeing her like that was turning him on and she knew it. She had to admit, she loved having this much power over him; looking like that, he would have agreed to anything. He couldn't take his eyes off of her and it was very distracting when he had so many things to do. "Stop it" he said, with absolutely no conviction in his voice. She smiled and bit her lip again. She beckoned him over. "Stop me" she whispered in his ear as she started unbuttoning the shirt she was wearing. He was powerless. He cleared the desk, lifted her from the chair and placed her on there. She lay on the desk, arms propping her up, wearing just the unbuttoned shirt and a pair of purple lacy French knickers. He forgot everything he was meant to be doing; he was sure it couldn't be that important. At this rate they were going to have sex in every room in the house, which they were both very comfortable with. It was the best distraction they could think of. They were both happy to stay in denial, if denial felt like this. They were in their own little bubble.

The bubble burst as they heard the front door open. "Alexis?" Kate asked.

"Richard, darling, are you home? I've got so much to tell you."

"Crap!" he mouthed. Thank God his office was right by his bedroom. He swept Kate up and carried her into the bedroom. He would go back for their clothes in a minute. The priority was ensuring that his mother didn't find them naked in his office. Her seeing clothes strewn across the room would be far less embarrassing, he thought. Kate sat on his bed as he threw a t-shirt and jeans at her. She was wishing they were at her apartment right now. There would be no intrusions there. She wasn't ready to go back to reality just yet.

Rick put on some clothes and gave Kate a quick kiss, forcing as much passion into those 5 seconds as he could. Then he made his way out of his room to greet his mother. Most of the time he was fine about her living there, but it was moments like this when he wished she didn't.

"Sweetheart, what's going on with you? I tried calling you, but there was no answer."

"I've been… busy." His eyes subconsciously flicked towards his bedroom and hers followed. Martha raised her eyebrows.

"I'm not sure I want to know what with. Or should I say who with?"

Just then Kate appeared from around the corner. Martha's jaw dropped. Definitely not what she was expecting!

"Hi, Martha" murmured Kate, looking a little guilty.

"Kate…" she paused, feeling rather speechless. "It's lovely to see you again."

Kate smiled a half-smile. "Yeah, you too."

"So you two are…?"

Kate shrugged with a little smile appearing on her face. Rick answered "Yes we are", a huge smile on his.

Martha smiled "About bloody time!"

Kate laughed and they all joined in.

"Now, how about some lunch? I bet you two have worked up a bit of an appetite."

"Mother… really?"

Martha rolled her eyes dramatically "Because of all your crime-solving of course." For an actress, she didn't pull off innocent very well.

"I'd love some, thank you Martha" said Kate. She'd had too many awkward moments in this apartment over the last week, she thought to herself. Why did people have to keep walking in on them? Maybe there was something about his family... Bad timing?... No boundaries? She was feeling a little cranky after being interrupted.

"Ryan and Esposito are dropping by later" Rick informed his mother.

"Poker game?" she asked.

"No, we're going to hunt down the people who are after Kate, once and for all."

Martha looked horrified "Is that a good idea? You're all going to get yourselves killed!"

"We have to. They're coming after Kate whether we go after them or not. The deal is off, so we have no choice."

Kate felt terrible. Rick was risking his life for her, once again. The look on Martha's face made it all seem more real. He had a whole family to think about. She felt selfish for wanting him… needing him. She headed into the lounge. She felt like this was a conversation that she shouldn't be a part of; she didn't want to intrude.

Rick followed her shortly after. "She just worries too much" he tried to reassure her. It wasn't working and he could tell. He could see that she was back in her own head again; he had to get her out of there. "I love you" he told her.

"I love you too." It sounded just as good as the first time she'd said it, and he smiled just as much. He put his hand under her chin and raised it so he could look her straight in the eyes. "Everything will be ok. I promise." She was hypnotised by those ocean-like eyes and for just that moment she believed him. He kissed her forehead and stood up. "Let's go and eat. Oh, and I really should tidy up my office. It's even messier than it was before." He winked at her and she giggled. "I'll meet you over there" he said. Kate headed to the kitchen while Rick went to remove any evidence of their antics. That's all they needed, Ryan or Espo finding Kate's underwear in his office. They would never live it down!


	12. Chapter 12

Just after 3pm Ryan called, just liked he'd promised. Rick assured him that they were all fully clothed; he wasn't going to mention that this was a recent modification. He and Esposito arrived 10 minutes later, seeming to be on much better terms than previously. At least this afternoon wasn't going to be fraught with tension.

Rick turned on the murder board and removed the 'Kate Beckett' file from his 'Deleted Files' folder. That's the thing with today's technology, it's near impossible to get rid of anything properly. It was a moment of impulsivity when he had decided he needed to delete Kate Beckett from his life. It had seemed symbolic. Little did he know she was impossible to erase. Apparently his smart board was smarter than he gave it credit for; he was thankful for that. Rick missed the look on Kate's face when she saw that he had deleted the file. She ought to be happy that he had deleted it, or angry that he had made it in the first place and kept it from her. Instead she just felt hurt, not that she had any right to. She didn't miss the significance of why he had deleted it, and she felt guilty for making him want to.

Kate hadn't known that Rick had been investigating her shooting the entire time, all whilst trying to keep her away from the case… trying to keep her safe. Those leads that he had kept from her, he had been investigating himself. The danger this had put him in was immense. If they found out he was looking into her shooting and her mother's murder, she was sure he would face the same fate.

Rick opened up the murder board. It highlighted all the leads they had, all the suspects and victims linked to the case. There was a write-up for each person involved. Any one of these people was a possible lead in the case if they could find something that they missed before. Johanna Beckett, Mr Smith, Joe Pulgatti, Bob Armen, Hal Lockwood, Roy Montgomery, John Raglan, Gary McCallister, Dick Coonan, and now they could add Cole Maddox to their list too. It was a long list; there had to be something to find.

"I think we need to go back to the very beginning, where it all started. Look into what happened 19 years ago. There's still so much we don't know about what happened then" said Rick

"We've been over and over that. There was nothing else to find" said Kate, feeling frustrated already.

"We've got new leads now, with our mystery man 'Mr Smith', and we could look more into Maddox. Our investigation got cut short; there's bound to be something we missed there." suggested Espo

"I vote for Mr Smith. He's the newest addition to the investigation. A fresh new lead." agreed Ryan.

"So how do we find him?" asked Espo.

"Castle?" Kate gestured for Rick to answer and they all turned to look at him.

"I don't know how to contact him. He always contacted me. It was always from untraceable numbers."

"Well there must be some way to find him." said Ryan

"Beckett's shooter managed to find him. If we can work out how, we can follow the same path." said Espo.

Kate gasped. "The photo album. Montgomery's wedding album. That's how they found him!"

"If we can get hold of that, we'll find him too." said Espo.

There was a new sense of hope that filled the air. It made it slightly easier to breathe.

"But how do we get it?" asked Rick.

"When we were at the building where Maddox was staying, Gates had CSU sweep his room. They took all that stuff and put it in evidence. If it was in the room, that's where it'll be now." answered Ryan. "I'll sneak in and get it out."

"You, sneak? You're the worst at sneaking about, and if you get caught, you're also a terrible liar" laughed Espo.

"I'll be fine. Besides, no-one will suspect me of anything because they know I'm no good at sneaking about, so why would I bother?"

"Ah, a double bluff" said Rick; he sounded quite enthralled by this plan. It was all very covert ops and spy-like.

"No, you can't go too Castle." said Kate, knowing him far too well. If there was anything that was exciting and involved sneaking about, he wanted to be right in the middle of it. Anything to feel like he was in a spy-movie. She laughed as she saw him looking a little disgruntled; she had clearly spoiled his fun. "Don't worry, I'm sure there'll be plenty more opportunities to live out your spy fantasies." She had a cheeky smile on her face and his mind went to places that they shouldn't in the present company.

Ryan cleared his throat. He and Espo felt a little awkward in the midst of all that innuendo. Kate smiled; she was totally unfazed by the current atmosphere. She wasn't one to get embarrassed. Rick on the other hand had gone a little red. "So when are you thinking of going in to get the photos?" she asked Ryan.

"I can try later tonight. It should be a little quieter then. That means less people to try to lie to."

That made Espo smile. Ryan really was an awful liar. He had too big of a conscience to lie; the guilt seemed to emanate from him.

"How will we know which person in the photos is Mr Smith though?" asked Rick.

Espo suddenly looked at Kate. "The missing picture."

Kate's face mirrored Esposito's look of disappointment. The others looked blankly at them, hoping someone would clue them in. Kate put an end to their confusion. "Mr Smith won't be in the album. There was a photo missing from it. He would have been on that photo."

"So there is no photo?" asked Ryan

"No, there is one. It's just not in that album" Esposito clarified.

"Then we just need to work out which photo is missing." Rick made it sound like it was so simple. Now they were all looking blankly at him.

"How do you suppose we go about doing that?" asked Espo.

"Easy, we go to the source…"

"Huh?" they said in unison

"Captain Montgomery's wife. She's bound to know which photo is missing."

"How do you expect her to remember which picture was in that gap?" asked Kate.

"Her husband died. How many times do you think she has gone through that album reminiscing, memorising every photo? How often did you do that with photos of your mother?" said Rick.

Kate just nodded. Put like that, it made sense to her that Mrs Montgomery would remember. Kate had memorised every image she had of her mother. She could recall where each one was taken and what they all wore in each photograph; she could recall every insignificant detail.

Now they were all looking at Kate. She decided it was best to just continue the conversation, ignore the fact that she'd just had a moment. She wasn't sure how long she had zoned out for. "So we get the album, and then head over to Montgomery's house. Tomorrow?" she asked.

"Tomorrow." Rick replied.

At least they had a plan now. They were moving forward.


	13. Chapter 13

Ryan and Esposito sat at their desks watching the evidence room. They had to wait for exactly the right moment; Ryan wouldn't be able to pull it off if he got caught. Gates was in her office having a heated argument with somebody over the phone. She looked like she'd be there a while. Ryan and Espo exchanged curious glances, but curiosity would have to wait for another time. All of the other detectives in the precinct looked busy too, so none of them would pay him any attention. Now was the moment. "Good luck! Don't get caught!" Espo whispered to Ryan. He laughed a little, but he also knew how important it was for him to do this successfully. It all rested on him. He headed towards the evidence room. 'Could he look any more suspicious?' Espo thought to himself. But Ryan made it in there without anybody noticing. They were halfway there. Once he had found it, he still had to sneak back out.

Just then, Gates hung up the phone and started pacing in her office. She looked stressed; she was clearly annoyed about something. He didn't have the time to care about what. There was too much at stake. Her door suddenly opened; Ryan was still in the evidence room. What was taking him so long? Espo realised that he would have to stall Gates. But how? He was a little better than Ryan at winging it, but Gates was already highly suspicious of him. She'd been watching him like a hawk since he'd gotten back.

She left her office and started to make her way across the precinct; she was headed straight for the evidence room! Espo jumped up and almost ran to catch her up. He had to intercept her. He touched her arm to stop her, regretting it immediately. If looks could kill, he would be dead right now. "Detective Esposito?"

"Sir"

"What is it?" she asked sharply, "I'm in a hurry."

"Oh, what's up? Something happen?" Small talk wasn't his forte, nor hers. She didn't appreciate it.

"That is none of your concern. What do you want? I assume you stopped me for a reason?"

Wow, she is in a foul mood, he thought. "Umm…

She looked at him impatiently. Thinking about it, he didn't think he'd ever seen her looking quite that annoyed, not even at Castle. He saw the door to the evidence room begin to open. He stepped backwards so that she would have to turn away from the door in order to continue their conversation. He just had to hope that she wanted to. It was good etiquette and she was well-mannered even if she was abrupt and often somewhat rude. Luckily, just as he saw Ryan's head peer around the door, Gates turned slightly to face him. "So?"

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know that we have a lead on the case and we're going to follow it up. You said to keep you informed; we'll leave details on the board in case you want to know." He was sucking up to her; it only made her more suspicious, but she let it go. She answered with just a nod and rushed off.

Ryan was sat at his desk when Espo turned around. "That was bloody close" said Espo, letting out a sigh of relief. "So you got it?"

Ryan flashed Espo a look at the album, a big grin on his face. "Let's get out of here before you give us away. No-one should look this happy at work, especially not a homicide detective." said Espo jokingly. Ryan tucked the photo album under his coat and they headed out of the precinct. Once they got through those doors, they knew that they were free and clear. Nobody would be going through that case file any time soon to discover the missing evidence.

Ryan gave Kate a call to let her know that they had the album and they arranged to meet at Montgomery's house in the morning. Ryan and Espo had a few hours of valid work time left, so figured they really should follow down some leads on their actual case; they needed to keep Gates off their backs. More importantly though, there was still a murder to solve and those people deserved justice too. They were feeling a little guilty about slacking on this case, so they headed across the city to track down a potential witness.

The next morning Kate, Rick, Ryan and Esposito met outside Mrs Montgomery's house. It was 9am on a gloriously sunny day. There was still the early morning chill, but that wasn't the reason Kate was shivering. She was nervous. She was worried that they wouldn't find out anything, worried about what would happen if they did, and not knowing where that would lead. The danger that faced them all was starting to dawn on her and it scared her. The others however, seemed strangely confident.

"Right, the kids should both be at school now. Let's go find out who this infamous Mr Smith is so we can track him down. He's got some explaining to do!" said Espo.

If only things were ever that easy, thought Kate.

"I called her this morning to check it was ok for us to pop round. She said she's happy to help in any way she can." said Ryan.

Rick knocked on the door. Almost immediately Mrs. Montgomery opened the door. She had been expecting them and had put the kettle on ready. "Oh, it's lovely to see you lot again, even if the circumstances are still not great. Who would like a coffee?"

"I'd love one!" answered Rick. Kate smiled at his enthusiasm and nodded. Ryan and Espo agreed to one too. It was still early; they were all in need of coffee. They followed her into the kitchen, offering to help with the coffees. "I'm fine," she insisted, "Go and take a seat in the lounge. I'll only be a minute." It wasn't long before she turned up with a tray of coffees and a huge plate of biscuits. "They were Roy's favourite." she added, as the boys helped themselves to the plate of Bourbons.

"So what is it you needed my help with?" she asked.

Ryan pulled out the wedding album and showed it to Mrs Montgomery. She gasped. "I never thought I'd see that again. I noticed it was missing when I was trying to sort out the chaos left behind after the break-in. Where did you find it?"

"It was in the hotel room of the sniper who tried to kill Beckett." he replied.

She looked confused, so Esposito tried to explain. "There's a man who was friends with Roy, who knows who is trying to kill Beckett. We need to find him. We think that he was in a photograph, in your wedding album, which is missing. We were hoping you might be able to tell us who was in the missing picture."

She still looked a little puzzled, but said "I'll do my best." Ryan opened the photo album to show Mrs. Montgomery where the missing picture was. She looked horrified to see all the X's across people's faces. "What happened?"

"People were looking for this man. They must have crossed out all of the people who weren't him. Who else came to your wedding? Who's not in these photographs?" asked Esposito.

They left her to look through the album while they took a walk round the garden. They figured she would need some time, not only to identify Mr Smith but to reminisce. The boys started to get antsy after a while. "Sometimes people just need a moment," said Kate, "We can't rush her."

"Kate!" Mrs Montgomery called. They all hurried back into the house. She had found something! On the table lay another wedding album, a continuation of the first. She was pointing to a photograph in the second book. "I think this is the man you are looking for. His name is Joseph, Joseph… Hawley I think."

"Are you sure?" asked Rick.

"Pretty sure, yes."

He hugged her. She was a little taken aback, but didn't stop him. She was glad to have been of some use.

"Can we keep all this between us please? It's kind of life and death stuff." said Espo.

"Of course. I just hope this helps. Good luck finding him."

"Thank you." said Kate, and she too hugged Mrs Montgomery, though not with quite so much exuberance.

They left the house with a very good new lead. "We just need to track down this Joseph Hawley character now. At least we have a photo of him." said Ryan "Will it be safe to use the database to search for him?"

"I don't think we have any other choice." said Kate. This time round she wasn't going to be quite as reckless. She just had to trust that they would get there before the other side.


	14. Chapter 14

After leaving Mrs Montgomery's house, Rick and Kate headed back to his apartment. Meanwhile Ryan and Esposito went to the precinct to search for Joseph Hawley. Hopefully he would be in the system. Esposito typed his name into the database. "Oh my God!" he muttered. He sounded shocked, even at a whisper. Ryan scooted his chair across to Espo's desk and looked at the same screen Espo was staring at. His jaw dropped too. It couldn't be.

"Deceased?" Ryan questioned. It was in big red letters beneath a photograph. It was definitely him. Ryan and Espo looked at each other, their faces a mirror of one another. Ryan read on. "Found in an alley near 165th and Amsterdam. Hold on, that was four days ago."

"Not long after he made that phone call" Espo chimed in. "What happened with the body?"

"It says that the body has not yet been released from the morgue" replied Ryan.

"We need to call Lanie!" Espo exclaimed and picked up his phone to ring her.

"Bit early for a booty call, Javi" joked Lanie.

"Not today chica" he laughed. Then his tone turned more serious. "Do you have a Joseph Hawley there in the morgue?"

"Yes, I just finished his autopsy. Why?"

"It seems that he's our mystery Mr Smith… the voice on the phone."

"Oh no. Does Kate know yet?"

"We haven't told her yet. We've only just found out. Did you find anything in your autopsy?"

"Cause of death was multiple stab wounds. I thought it looked familiar. It was very hired hitman-like. There were a few anomalies though. Come down to the morgue and I'll show you."

"We're leaving now. Be there in twenty. I'll wait until we find something before I call Beckett. I don't want to call her with just bad news."

"I'll keep it quiet until you get here then. See you soon."

Twelve minutes later, they were pulling into the car park closest to the morgue. Espo had driven and Ryan was looking a little shaken by the time he got out of the car. He really hated Espo's driving, but he had to admit, it got them there fast. Time was of the essence in this case, especially as they were working two at once. A couple of minutes later they were walking into the morgue.

"Wow, that was fast" commented Lanie.

"Tell me about it" Ryan groaned.

"Toughen up honey-milk. You're supposed to be a cop" Espo joked.

"Yeah, a cop who likes to abide by traffic laws."

"It's not like I ran a red light." He turned to Lanie, "I put on the gumball so I could get here a little faster, that's all."

Lanie rolled her eyes at the two boys bickering. "Ok, so who wants to know about the dead guy?"

At once, Ryan and Esposito snapped out of their squabble to pay attention to Lanie. "So, after I realised the significance of this one, I went back over my autopsy notes to see if anything else jumped out at me."

"And?" pushed Espo.

"And… I had noticed some bruising from maybe the day before. Once I knew the context, I figured that maybe he was pressured into revealing whatever information he had, he got away or was let go, and then he was killed later on."

"Maybe so that he could be killed somewhere out of the way. Maybe so it could look like 'gang violence'?"

"There are plenty of possibilities. From the way he was killed, I can tell it was definitely a hit. The similarities with the other murders are too great for it to be a coincidence. That's all I can say for sure though; everything else is speculation. I still need to check the body for prints, so I'll let you know if I find anything."

"Do you know who's working this case?" asked Ryan

"Karpowski, I think." Lanie replied.

"We need to be on it. We should talk to her" said Ryan.

"I'll speak to her, work my magic" said Espo, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Lanie glared at him.

"We'd better be going. Thanks for all your help Lanie. If possible, can you keep the links between the cases out of the notes for us please? If Gates knows it's related we'll never get to work the case." asked Ryan.

"Of course. Anything." she said, purposefully directing her attention away from Esposito, and talking just to Ryan.

As they walked out through the doors, Ryan hit Espo over the head. "What was that for?" he asked.

"Telling Lanie you're planning to hit on Karpowski… Stupid! Either you're trying to make her jealous or you're totally clueless about how she feels about you?"

"You think she was jealous?"

"Seriously, Javi. You two need to sort it out. It's obvious to everyone that you want to be together. All this messing around, one of you is going to get hurt, most likely both of you. Life's too short, brother."

"You're full of the big speeches lately. Where did all this sudden wisdom come from?"

"It just stands out against your stupidity. It's all relative" Ryan laughed. Then Espo hit him back over the head and grinned. They were both laughing as they headed back to the car. Ryan called shotgun on the driver's seat; he'd had enough of Espo's driving for one day.

* * *

_Thanks again for all your feedback! I really hope that you're all enjoying the story so far... Stay tuned! :) _

_And feel free to Tweet me. I'd love to hear your comments and discuss my fanfic and/or Castle! Twitter: x_Hannah_x _


	15. Chapter 15

Kate was stood in Rick's kitchen making lunch for them both, when he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She leant back into him; he whispered "I love you" into her ear and kissed her neck. She suddenly wasn't hungry. He ran his hands down her sides to her hips and spun her around so that she was facing him. She raised her hands to his head and ran her fingers through his soft brown hair, grasping fistfuls and pulling him closer to her. He didn't care that it hurt him a little. It was good pain. She pulled him to her lips, but he had other ideas. He grabbed her hips and lifted her up onto the counter; he began trailing kisses down her neck, along her collarbone and down her chest undoing buttons as needed. She wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer as his tongue ran over the curves of her chest circling her scar and heading lower. He undid the last few buttons on her shirt and kissed down her stomach, feeling her muscles tense beneath his touch. He pulled his t-shirt off and threw it on to the floor and she followed the contours of his body with her fingers. It tickled a little and it made him giggle. Kate laughed at how girly he sounded. Rick pretended to back off and she soon stopped laughing. She grabbed him by the waist belt of his jeans and pulled him back towards her, a fierce look in those deep green eyes. He chuckled; it's not like he was really planning to stop. She undid the button of his jeans and they fell to the floor; he kicked them off of his ankles, standing there in just his boxers. He worked his fingers ever so slowly down her stomach, towards her jeans; so slowly it was frustrating! He undid the button and put his hand on the zipper…

Her phone buzzed and it made him jump. She giggled a little at his little yelp. They ignored the message. She would read it later. Nothing was going to stop her now. Not even…

Now her phone was ringing. It would go to voicemail. And again… And again…

Seriously, did they not know she was busy?

She took the phone out of her pocket. It was Espo. Hell, they were always interrupting. It started to ring again. "You should probably answer it." said Rick. He sounded as annoyed as she felt.

She began the call with "It better be important."

Wow, she sounds angry, Espo thought. "It is. What up? You sound pissed."

"We're a little busy. What is it?"

"Oh… Oh God! Sorry!" He got the hint. But it was too important to wait. "I'm really sorry, but we need you both to meet us at The Old Haunt ASAP. It is important."

Kate sighed. "Ok, we'll be there soon."

"Say hi to Castle for me."

Rick overheard and responded with "I'm not talking to you right now!"

He heard Esposito laugh on the other end of the phone and Kate rolled her eyes. "See you in a bit, Espo."

Feeling highly frustrated, Kate got down off of the counter. She picked up Rick's t-shirt and threw it to him. She buttoned hers up and pulled up the zipper on her jeans.

"Do we really have to go now?" Rick asked.

"Apparently!"

Rick groaned and put his jeans back on, feeling like he could do with a cold shower first. She could probably do with one too, he thought. That thought led to others that really weren't helping to calm him down and slow his heart rate. Kate stormed across the room to find her shoes and brush her hair. It was a little messy despite never making it to a bed. While she was in the bedroom getting ready, Rick poured some coffee into some 'to-go' cups. She would probably need one on their way to meet the others. It always seemed to calm her down. Once she was fully clothed and looking half presentable, but a little less naked than he'd hoped she would be this afternoon, they left his loft. He handed her the coffee and, as always, it made her smile.

* * *

_Ok, a little bit of Caskett fluff and humour to break up the tension a bit. Hope you enjoyed it! _

_Please review or let me know your comments via Twitter: x_Hannah_x _

_I kind of like the interactiveness of Twitter as I can respond more easily to your feedback. Anyway, thanks again for all your wonderful feedback so far, it really does help. I'll try to get Chapter 16 to you soon! _


	16. Chapter 16

The weather had taken a turn for the worse. Where the day had started out with dazzling sunshine and a cloudless blue sky, a storm was suddenly brewing. Thunderous clouds filled the sky, mirroring the atmosphere as Ryan and Esposito entered the bar. It was a little while later that Rick and Kate arrived, although still sooner than Espo had expected. The stormy look on her face could rival the weather outside. He felt a little guilty, especially as he was about to deliver more bad news.

"Yo, Beckett" he called, to signal them over to the corner booth where they were sitting. Again they thought it best to sit in a more secluded area, away from prying ears. "Hey, sorry again for interrupting your… alone time."

Ryan chuckled, which abruptly stopped when he saw Kate's death stare. "So what is it that you dragged us here for?" she asked. Espo handed her a folder containing the details of Lanie's autopsy, a photo of the body being the first thing she saw. Kate gasped and dropped the folder, paper scattering across the table. Rick looked over at the pages. "Joseph Hawley?" he asked; he felt like he needed confirmation. Ryan nodded. "When we searched the database, he came up as deceased. Lanie still has his body at the morgue."

"I need to see him!" said Kate.

Rick looked over to her with concern. "That's not a good idea. If anyone catches you-"

"They won't!" There was that determination again; Rick could see it in her eyes. It was the thing he loved her for and in spite of. Behind the fire, he could read the fear in them too It was like she knew that they were getting closer and closer to her; she was losing the race. Silently, he slipped his hand into hers. He knew that she would not want to show her vulnerabilities to anyone else, but he wanted to let her know that he was there for her. Hidden from view, she squeezed his hand, holding it tightly. He was her rock, her solid ground. She knew that he would be there, always.

Kate was feeling stronger already. She took a deep breath, nodded to herself and asked "Ok, where do we go from here then?" Rick felt her loosen her grip of his hand, but she didn't remove it. She liked the way that it felt, holding his hand. They'd had no time to be a proper couple in the midst of all the chaos and devastation, so the smallest of gestures meant a lot to her.

Rick begun with "Maybe if we can find out where he went earlier on that day-"

A feeling of hope filled Kate and a smile appeared on her face "-We can see if there's any evidence of what he knew-"

"-Maybe where he had kept the information hidden-"

"-Or maybe he hid something before he got caught-"

"-There might still be something there-"

"-We should definitely check. Has forensics come back with anything yet?" The back and forth between Rick and Kate had the others transfixed.

"Oh, I think we're back in the conversation" laughed Espo, nudging Ryan.

Kate rolled her eyes. "Well?" she urged.

"We're still trying to get on the case. Got to get the OK from Gates." answered Ryan.

"Ryan, you better put on your charm. Seems you're the only one she likes" joked Rick, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Ryan threw a cardboard coaster at him; it was the only thing around that wouldn't cause any permanent damage. The corner of the coaster hit him square on the forehead and they all laughed. Rick rubbed his head where the coaster had hit; there was a tiny red mark appearing. Kate stood up and kissed him on the forehead, her hand stroking the side of his face and down to his jaw. "Be right back" she told the guys, but whispered "Office… 3 minutes" in Rick's ear. He fought back a grin. A secret rendezvous wasn't so secret if he gave it away.

"Where'd she go?" asked Espo.

"Ladies room. Right who wants a drink?"

"I'll get this round" offered Ryan, but Rick was insistent. He was never quite that eager to buy the drinks. So much for a good poker face, thought Espo. Rick was totally transparent. Ryan and Espo exchanged glances as Rick headed across the bar. They didn't push it though; it was bad enough that they'd interrupted them this morning. They decided to give them a moment.

"Ugh, seeing them makes me miss Lanie. We used to have secret hook-ups too. I remember that one time in the observation room at the precinct, oh and in the janitor's closet, and the on-call room in the hospital-"

"-and the evidence room, and the bathroom at the precinct. You weren't so subtle either." Ryan chuckled. Espo shrugged, he was still reminiscing.

Kate was waiting behind the door as Rick entered the office. She grabbed him and pulled his face to hers, their lips colliding. He could feel her frustration through the force of her kisses… so much passion. Her teeth dug into his bottom lip almost hard enough to draw blood, but it was the good sort of pain; it turned him on. Hmmm… she was a biter. How did he not know this by now? It seemed that she was taking out all of her pent up frustration on him. He didn't mind at all. Now it was his turn. He swept her silky brunette hair away from her neck and began to plant kisses, stopping over her pulse point. He could feel her heart pounding through his lips as he began to suck her neck. It was going to leave a bruise, but he wanted to mark her, claim her as his own. She wanted that too. Her hands tugged at his hair and this time she was biting her own lip to keep herself quiet. There was a full bar upstairs; she had to control herself. By the time they reached the sofa both of them had lost their shirts. He could feel her nails clawing at his back as his tongue traced the curves of her body. The sex was rough, even a little violent (on her part). It had never been so good.

As Rick began to get dressed, Kate noticed the scratches across his back and shoulders. "Oops!" she said, biting her lip, a guilty smile emerging on her face.

"I should say the same" he said, looking at the rapidly darkening bruise that had appeared on her neck. She really wished she was wearing a polo-neck jumper. The hickey on her neck was a lot harder to hide than the scratches on his back. Although, the bite mark around his lip was fairly noticeable. His lip was a little swollen and the imprint of her teeth was unmistakable. In retrospect, maybe that wasn't a good idea. "How long have we been gone?"

"About 45 minutes" Kate replied.

"Hmmm… I'm not sure they're going to buy the whole 'I went to get drinks' excuse after this much time."

Kate laughed "No probably not. You reckon we can just sneak out of here?"

There came a knock at the door. "I'm thinking probably not" answered Rick. Kate pulled her hair around to cover her neck and gave Rick a quick kiss before opening the door.

"We weren't sure how much time you'd need. But it's been a while and I'm getting thirsty" joked Espo. He looked from Rick to Kate and back again, examining their 'war wounds'. He was struggling to restrain from commenting.

"We're off to see Gates, then we'll follow up on forensics," Ryan informed them. "Got to speak to forensics about our other case anyway."

"Ok, then I guess we'll speak to you later. I'll give Lanie a call in a bit to see if I can drop by. I'll let you know if she has any more news for us." said Kate

Ryan nodded and Espo said "You've got a little something…" pointing at Kate's neck with a cheeky smile on his face. Ryan hit him over the head, a little 'What did you say that for?' tap. She didn't care that he was mocking her. She couldn't hide the cheeky grin on her face either.

* * *

_I was planning on this being more of an investigative chapter, but honestly, like some of you, I felt a little bad for Kate LOL! So it's a bit of a mix between the two. Next one will be investigative I promise! Hope you enjoyed it almost as much as Kate __;) Haha! And thanks again for all your comments. They really mean a lot :)_


	17. Chapter 17

Kate decided she would just show up at the morgue, in case Lanie tried to talk her out of it. She was quite persuasive and always made far too much sense. As insistent as Rick was, she forced him to stay behind. "I'll be fine," she reassured, "I'm only going to see Lanie. I did it hundreds of times before we were together, nothing's different now."

"Except for the people trying to kill you," he interjected, "but no, sure, I guess that's nothing to worry about."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Seriously, I'll be ok. You want me to check in when I get there?" she asked, sarcastically.

"That would be great."

"You're joking, right?" She hated the feeling of him watching her every move, just waiting for something to happen. It put her on edge. "I'm not a child Castle! Maybe you should go check up on your actual daughter. Follow her about instead. It's not like you've seen her much lately." It was below the belt and she knew it, but she couldn't deal with him right now. She felt suffocated. She'd always been so independent; it was hard suddenly having someone trying to look after her.

"Fine, whatever." Rick snapped. He stormed out of her apartment. He knew it was stupid and he was regretting it already, but she had been harsh and her words had hurt him. Part of what she had said was true and it hit a nerve… he felt like he had been neglecting Alexis lately. It's something he said he'd never do, but he'd just gotten so caught up with what was going on with Kate. He needed to see Alexis, apologise and spend some time with her. Rick messaged Kate to apologise too: **I'm sorry for storming out. Going to see Alexis. Be safe. Love you! Rick. x x**

Kate was feeling a mixture of anger and guilt. It was a strange combination of emotions that only he could bring out in her. No-one infuriated her more than him, but he was the last person she ever wanted to hurt. She replied to his text: **I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said what I said. I know you're just trying to look out for me, but I need my own space sometimes. I'm not used to having someone there all the time, worrying about me. I'll try to work on it :( I love you too. Kate. x x**

Now Kate needed Lanie for more than just case notes. She needed her friend. She drove to the morgue and parked just around the corner; she wanted to stay out of sight, just in case. She snuck in through the back entrance which led straight to the morgue. It was often left unlocked, which was highly dangerous, but very convenient today. She locked the door when she got inside in case anyone had followed her. Now I'm paranoid, she thought.

Kate peered through the window of the morgue; Lanie was talking to someone. Relatives? Other detectives? Kate wondered. Not that it was any of her business anymore. She turned and faced away from the door as the people exited. She didn't want to be seen; if they were detectives, there was a possibility that she might be recognised.

"What are you doing here?" asked Lanie in a hushed but nervous voice, grabbing her arm and dragging her out the back. She was worried too.

"Can't a girl come to visit her best friend?"

"Not when her best friend is working on the autopsy of a man killed by the same people who are after her. It's too dangerous Kate."

"I'm fine."

Lanie gave her a knowing glare. She saw right through Kate; Lanie knew she was scared. "We're all scared Kate; you don't need to hide it. It doesn't make you any less tough. It just makes you human."

Kate slumped down on a chair in Lanie's office. "If I show it, then I'll start believing it. I need to act strong to believe that I am."

Lanie frowned a little. She hated how much her friend had to deal with. She sat down opposite Kate and took her hand. "Sweetie, you're the strongest person I've ever known. You will get through this, no matter how scared you are. And we're all here for you, backing you up."

The hint of a smile crept onto Kate's face. She was so grateful to have a friend like Lanie. No-one else knew her as well as Lanie did and there was no-one else who she could be truly open with, not even Rick. She trusted Lanie above everyone; she had never let her down.

"So I guess you're here for details on your mystery man?" asked Lanie.

"Yeah, so what have you got for me?"

Lanie pulled out the body from the freezer. "Killed in the same way as the others, stabbed military-style, with random knife wounds across his chest to cover up the single fatal blow. In my opinion, this kill was mostly to send a message… to you."

"Why do you say that?"

"They obviously knew that this pattern of knife wounds would raise red flags for us, and because of where the body was dumped."

"Dumped? Was he not killed where he was found?"

"No, there was not enough of a blood pool at the crime scene for it to be the murder site. And where the body was found..." There was a considerable pause and Kate looked at Lanie waiting for her to continue. "It was Washington Heights, Kate. He was found in Washington Heights. That's a message. It has to be. There's never a coincidence that big."

Kate didn't know what to say. She just stood there in silence, waiting for the news to sink in. Lanie was right, she thought, there are no coincidences in a murder investigation. They wanted to send a message to her; they wanted to show her how easily they could get to her. Now she couldn't hide the fear, it surrounded her, smothered her. She let a tear fall, and as it ran down her cheek Lanie wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close. Kate let go, there was no need to put on a front for Lanie and she cried into her shoulder. It was too much to handle. She just needed a minute to put herself back together and Lanie was there, once again. Kate tried to regain control and Lanie stroked the side of her face. "It really will be ok, sweetie. We'll catch these guys" and she gave her a little smile. Kate smiled back. She started to feel like she might actually be ok, especially now that they had a new place to look. They needed to find the actual murder site. She called Ryan to fill him in and have forensics look for evidence of that too.

"Thanks Lanie... for everything. Now I've got to go and apologise to Rick." She looked apprehensive as she said it.

"Any time Kate. Do I even want to ask?"

"Probably not" she laughed. "I yelled at him for caring too much."

"Course you did" responded Lanie, exasperated. She shook her head laughing a little too. "Say hi to writer-boy for me. I'll see you later, and next time call and I'll come visit you. You're highly distracting when you're here. I get no work done!" she joked, avoiding the issue of Kate's safety. Kate was grateful for that and she left feeling lighter and more hopeful than before.


	18. Chapter 18

_She must have calmed down a little now if she's actually apologising, _Rick thought, after receiving a text message from Kate. With his phone still in his hand, Rick decided to phone Alexis. They were in desperate need of some quality time together. Alexis answered on the first ring.

"Hello pumpkin."

"Hey dad, what's up?"

"I miss you. What are you doing today? Do you have plans?"

"Yeah I do… with you!" She laughed. "I miss you too. What did you want to do?"

"Laser tag?"

"Sounds good, although you know I'm gonna kick your butt, right?"

"Bring it on!"

"I'll meet you at home in half an hour. I'm just out for lunch with some of the girls from school."

"If you're busy, we can always do it another time."

"I'd much rather spend the afternoon with you."

"Don't think that softening me up is going to make me go easy on you."

"I can't believe you'd say such a thing. Is it such a stretch to think that I'd just want to spend time with you? I've not seen you in so long; I'm going to develop abandonment issues!" Alexis sounded so serious, and Rick started to worry. Suddenly Alexis was in fits of giggles "Haha! Just kidding. Love you dad." Rick could picture the playful smile on her face.

"Ugh! I can't believe I fell for that!"

"I can't believe you did either. You're totally off your game, dad. I'm going to thrash you today!"

"We'll see! Love you sweetie."

"Love you too."

Rick was almost home, twenty minutes before Alexis was due back. He was going to set it all up and pounce as she walked through the door. His plan was faultless. But there was one thing he didn't factor in… the sneakiness of his daughter. As he opened the door, she was ready and waiting, crouched behind the sofa. She stayed hidden and watched him put on his laser tag suit and prepare his gun. She knew she would get him; her aim was perfect. As he walked back towards the door, his vest lit up and he heard the sound of defeat. Alexis had been home the whole time plotting her attack. Rick was secretly proud; he had taught her well.

Rick spun round to shoot her but she was too quick, she rolled out of the line of fire and back behind the sofa. "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" he whispered, in the creepiest voice he could muster. He heard her giggle and aimed for that spot. Alexis tried to move but he had her; her suit lit up too. Now they were on even scores. She fired back at him but he dodged the shot. She ran across the room and hid with her back against a bookcase peering carefully around the corner to see where he was. Rick was creeping up towards her. He could see her feet through the gap below the shelves. As he ran round the corner, gun raised, she shot him from behind. She had left her shoes there, knowing that he could see them, and had run across the room towards the kitchen. She did a little victory dance and he feigned an evil glare. "Best 3 of 5?" he asked.

"You realise that I only have to shoot you one more time and I'll win again."

"Best out of 5!" he repeated, determination in his voice. He didn't like to lose. When she shot him again she asked sarcastically "Best out of 7?" She couldn't stop laughing. He really was off his game today. He put down his gun and walked towards her, heading to the kitchen.

"Lunch?" he asked.

She jumped up onto one of the stools. "What are we having?"

"Pasta carbonara?"

"My favourite!" she exclaimed. She really had missed spending time with her dad. They'd both been so busy lately, he with Kate and her with college prep. Alexis had also had a lot of goodbyes to say; she and many of her friends were moving away. Even though she wasn't going far, she still wasn't going to be seeing her friends very often.

As Rick cooked, Alexis started up a conversation about Kate. She wanted to know how things were going, leaving out the details of course!

"It's complicated" he said. Alexis wasn't satisfied with that response, especially given that the last time they had spoken about her, he had seemed so happy.

"How can it be complicated? I thought it was complicated before because neither of you knew how the other felt and Kate wasn't ready for a relationship, so you couldn't be together. But now you are together, so what's complicated?"

"Things have changed over the past few days. It's like we've started to go backwards instead of forwards. The people who shot her a year ago are coming after her again and it's putting a lot of pressure on her, on all of us. Everything she has tried to put behind her, all of her issues, they're all flooding back to the surface. What if it comes between us?"

"It won't. I can guarantee that."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because whenever anything happens, she always comes back to you. You are her person, dad, her rock. The same way you are mine. She's going to need you more than ever, and you know how to handle her, the best ways to be there for her."

"You're right I guess. Where did you get your genius from?"

"Clearly not from you!" she laughed.

"I'll take that carbonara away from you."

"No, no… sorry" She faked an apologetic look, giving him her puppy dog eyes. It made him chuckle.

"I hope she's ok." he said, concerned.

"She will be. She's tough."

"Tougher than a bullet?"

"She beat one before, dad. Seriously, I'm sure she's ok."

Rick didn't look convinced.

"Why don't you invite her over? Then we can spend some time together and it gives you the opportunity to secretly keep an eye on her." Alexis smiled. _It really was a genius idea_, she thought. At least that way she got to spend more time with her dad, and she loved seeing Kate. They always got on really well and she looked up to her as kind of a role model. Alexis admired the strength Kate had in spite of all that she'd been through.

"I might do that. Then she won't think I'm just following her about, worrying." he reasoned. Alexis looked a little confused but nodded. Rick took out his phone and gave Kate a ring.

"Rick. I really am sorry about this morning. I've just been a little stressed lately."

"I know, I understand. Alexis and I were wondering if you wanted to come over later."

"Really? I'd love to. Is she ok about this?"

"It was her idea. I think she has missed me being there all the time. You were right that I hadn't been spending enough time with her."

"Rick , I didn't mean-"

He cut her off. "Honestly, I think I needed to hear it. Perhaps maybe not in that way…"

"Sorry."

"I know. It's ok. I'm sorry too." He paused for just a moment, taking a deep breath "I love you."

He was unsure of her reactions today because she was a little all over the place, but Kate smiled. "I know. I love you too."

* * *

Two hours later, Kate arrived at Rick's apartment. He went to answer the door, stealing a little kiss before she entered. There was not going to be any more of that this evening; they were limited to hand-holding and flirty looks. Neither of them wanted to make Alexis feel uncomfortable; they needed her to be ok with their relationship. That was very important. Alexis was sat on the sofa watching TV, making sure not to look over to them at the door… just in case. Rick joined her on the sofa, followed shortly by Kate.

"Hey Kate." Alexis said, trying to act all nonchalant, like this wasn't in the slightest bit awkward, in spite of the fact that the word 'awkward' was resounding repeatedly in her head. It was different being around them, now that they were dating. She'd spent plenty of time around them both before, so she wasn't prepared for this to feel quite so bizarre. She ignored those feelings; she figured it was just something she had to get used to.

"Hi Alexis," Kate grinned, "thank you for inviting me over. It's really nice to see you again."

"Yeah, you too."

"Lanie said to tell you that she misses having you down at the morgue. Apparently her latest intern isn't quite so efficient."

That made Alexis smile. "I miss her too. I'll have to drop by sometime."

"I think she'd really like that." Kate responded.

Rick grinned at how well they were getting on. It all seemed so easy. _That makes a change_, he thought. "Drinks anyone?" he asked. "I've got a beautiful Cabernet Sauvignon in the wine rack."

"No thank you. I'm driving, so I'll stick to soda tonight. You go ahead and open it though. I don't want you to miss out."

"And drink alone? A whole bottle to myself… now that sounds like a very bad plan."

"I'm sure you've drunk more." Kate laughed.

Both of them were struggling to hold in the innuendo-laden comments that naturally flowed between them. They usually wouldn't have worried about saying them, but now that they were together those comments had a whole new meaning. They weren't to be said in front of Alexis, so they both bit their tongues. Tonight's conversation was to stay strictly PG-rated.

"Ah, yes. Stories that Alexis can tell her grandchildren, because she refuses to make any of her own." he commented.

Kate rolled her eyes and said to Alexis "Don't listen to him. You know he couldn't handle it if you actually did."

Alexis was laughing too now. "It's true. He would totally freak out!"

"I think I could handle it a lot better with a glass of wine in my hand... Just the thought of it is driving me to drink. Are you sure I can't tempt you?" he asked. She knew that what he was actually asking was 'Are you sure you won't stay the night?', but she had to stay strong; she declined his offer. Tonight was about Alexis.

"So what's for dinner?" Kate asked.

"Homemade pizza" he replied.

"Homemade? You actually made pizza?"

"I said homemade, I didn't say it was made in my home." he laughed.

"There's this little place down the street that make the best pizzas. It's all run out of this Italian woman's home, hence the 'homemade'." Alexis clarified.

"I did put it in the oven," Rick argued in his defence, "it involved a little effort."

This story made Kate chuckle. It was so totally him. "That sounds really good. It's more homemade than the Chinese food that I usually order in."

Alexis frowned. "You should come round here for dinner more. It's not good to live on take-out, and dad's an excellent cook… when he's not being lazy" she said, directing her gaze towards Rick to give him a disapproving look.

"Right, who's hungry?" he asked. Food was a much better topic than his laziness, although Alexis had praised his cooking in front of Kate which was nice. _But does that mean she's going to expect me to cook for her every night? _he wondered. He decided on probably not. _She's not that good with change, and would probably miss all the take-out, _he thought. Plus Chinese cooking was not his forte; he could just about manage noodles, but spring rolls and egg fried rice were out of his comfort zone.

He looked up to see both of them staring at him. He had zoned out while running through all that in his head, and had been sat there in silence with a worried look on his face for at least a minute and a half.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked.

"Oh, nothing. Just thinking."

"About?"

"How bad I am at making Chinese food." They both looked at him confused, but he was glad he had put it out there. She could stick with Hung's. "I can't make sushi either." he added.

Kate often didn't have a clue what he was going on about, so she let it go with an eye roll and a little shake of her head. Alexis was used to it too.

Rick took the pizza out of the oven. It really did smell delicious. So many toppings! And the pizza was huge; it could probably feed about 6 people.

Kate commented on the size "Pizza for breakfast too, I guess." After an awkward pause… "For you guys I mean." _Oh God! _she thought, _let the ground swallow me up now!_

Alexis laughed. "You can come over for breakfast too if you like?" She had known what Kate was worried about and tried to ease the tension. Alexis was helping to get her out of that hole she had dug for herself and Kate was very grateful. Alexis gave her a little smile to let her know it was ok.

After dinner, they settled down on the sofa to watch a movie. Under the dim lighting, Rick and Kate were finding it so much harder to control themselves. They couldn't concentrate on the movie; their attention kept drifting back to one another, both portraying the lust between them through their eyes. His eyes were a deep ocean blue and hers a forest green; they were lost in those places, but together, and for a split second they forgot where they really were. Alexis screamed; a zombie had suddenly appeared on the screen. That brought them back to the present and totally killed the mood. The zombie movie was definitely a good choice. Kate slipped her hand into Rick's, but avoided eye-contact. That had been a close call; she couldn't chance getting lost again tonight.

After the movie, Kate thanked Alexis and Rick for a wonderful evening and the delicious 'homemade' pizza. She couldn't handle staying any longer. There was far too much sexual tension and she needed to feel the cool evening air on her face. Rick saw her to the door and stepped outside, closing it behind them. He backed her against the wall and kissed her passionately, running his hands across her back. Her hands were in his hair, pulling him closer to her until there was no space left between them. She could feel the pressure of his whole body holding her against the wall, and suddenly it was gone. He backed away.

"Goodnight Kate" he said, with a teasing smile on his lips, and he gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

"Are you kidding me?" she said, still breathless.

"You're the one who said you weren't staying. Don't blame me." he chuckled. "Get home safe, call me when you're there."

Kate nodded, still leant against the wall trying to get her breath back. Rick left her in the corridor recovering, as he went inside. He was still chuckling as he made his way across the room. _Next time she'll decide to stay_, he thought sneakily.

As her heart rate slowed and her legs began to feel more stable, she headed away from his apartment and towards her car. _Damn, he's sly, _she thought to herself. But he was right, she wouldn't say no again.

* * *

_I thought I should do and Alexis/Rick/Kate scene. It was requested by one of my biggest __Twitter __fans LOL! and I thought that now was an appropriate time. I know that there's no investigative stuff in this chapter... it's more about character development. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway :) Let me know what you thought. Thanks._


	19. Chapter 19

As Kate closed her eyes, her mind filled with images of Rick. Her senses tingled at the thought of his touch, his kiss, the hint of red wine she could taste on his tongue. She could taste it now as vividly as she could then. He had left her wanting more and she couldn't get him out of her head.

She started to drift off and her dreams became darker. There were shadowy figures with blurred faces; her subconscious didn't know enough to fill in the blanks. They were coming after her, her and Rick. She tried to fight them off. Kate was well-practiced and usually very good at hand-to-hand combat. She could avoid a knife at any rate. Rick on the other hand had no experience with this. _Why did I never teach him?_ She thought. He was always in the line of fire alongside her. As she was tackling one shadowy figure, she could see another approaching Rick. She saw the glint of a knife! As she screamed and called out to him, she lost her focus and her attacker managed to carve an extensive gash along her forearm. The pain was there and she could feel the blood trickling down her arm, but she didn't care. She dodged his next attack and ran towards Rick, but she could not make her legs move fast enough. All she could do was watch as the faceless man plunged a knife into Rick's abdomen. She saw him collapse onto the floor; she saw the blood pouring out of him at an incredible rate; she saw the fear in his eyes. Her fear mirrored his and she felt a pain much worse than the knife wound across her arm and much worse than a bullet through her heart, as she watched the spark go out. His eyes no longer sparkled like the ocean on a sunny day. They were dark, dull, and lifeless. She felt a fire inside of her as the tears flooded her eyes.

She awoke, her eyes still streaming, and her pillow wet from her salty tears. She ran to the bathroom to throw up. She felt sick! There was fear and anger, and although it hadn't been real, she could still feel the sense of loss that she had experienced during the dream. Just thinking about it made her nauseous again.

She called Rick. It was 2am and he had been asleep, but still he answered her call.

"Kate?"

"I'm sorry. I just needed to hear your voice."

He could tell that she was crying. There was a huskiness to her voice that wasn't usually there. "What's wrong?"

"I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Go back to sleep. I just needed to know that you were ok."

"I'm fine, but I'm a little worried about you. Do you want to come over? Or I could come to yours?" he asked.

"No, please don't. I can deal with this alone. Stay with Alexis. Maybe I'll drop by in the morning?"

"Ok, I'll see you then. Call me if you change your mind. Any time… even if it's 5am."

"Thank you."

"Always."

He considered going to see her anyway just to check on her, but maybe this was one of those times when she did need her space. He needed to learn to respect her boundaries, no matter how hard it was for him.

Kate didn't want Rick to come over, partly because she didn't want him to see her like that, and partly because she felt better knowing that he was tucked up in bed… safe. She didn't want to go back to sleep now, despite how tired she was feeling. The fear of reliving that dream kept her awake. She went to the kitchen and took a bottle of Scotch from the cupboard. Maybe she could drink herself into oblivion. Kate had gotten drunk enough times over the years to know that she wouldn't dream in an unconscious state; she just needed to pass out.

She woke up on the floor of her lounge. She hadn't made it to her bed and had no memories of falling back asleep. The memory of the dream haunted her, but it was dulled a little by the pounding in her head. She was somewhat regretful of the excessive consumption of alcohol, but compared to the alternative, a hangover was a small price to pay.

Kate took a shower and brushed her teeth, twice, to get rid of the taste of sick and alcohol. It made her feel a bit better. Water always helped her to clear her head too. There was something about the way that the water flowed over her; it was calming. That was why she loved the rain.

Now she needed to see Rick. Once the aspirin had taken the edge off of her headache, other thoughts came to the forefront. Every time she thought of Rick, she could only picture him lying on the ground, the life draining from him.

As soon as she was dressed, she raced over to his apartment. She didn't even bother with make-up; she was sure that he had seen her looking worse. He opened the door to her and saw the fearful look on her face; he took her face in his hands and tried to smooth her worry lines with his thumbs. She drew closer to him, laying her head on his chest. She just needed to hear his heart beating and feel the rise and fall of his chest as his lungs filled with air. She breathed him in, his scent comforted her, and then she looked into his eyes. They still sparkled like the ocean on a sunny day; she never wanted to look away. In his eyes she pictured them lying on a beach staring into the ocean. They had not a care in the world as they breathed in the sea air and felt the warm sun on their skin. Right now, the warmth she felt came from him; he was holding onto her. With his arms wrapped tightly around her body, she could tell that he never wanted to let her go. And that was enough to calm her, it was enough for now.


	20. Chapter 20

Rick walked Kate into the apartment, still keeping her close. He wasn't sure why, but it seemed that she needed the closeness. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong? Why you called in the middle of the night? Why you've turned up here looking terrified? What's going on Kate?"

"I'm not sure I can talk about it."

"Why don't you try? Start with what happened last night. Why did you call?"

Kate suddenly felt nauseous again. Just the thought of that dream, reliving it in order to tell Rick, was too much. She needed air and headed to the balcony, just leaning out enough to feel the cool breeze on her face. She took some deep breaths. "Not yet." she finally replied.

Rick could tell she wasn't ready to talk, but he wasn't sure why. _What could be that bad that it could make her feel this way?_ He thought. He left her on the balcony and sat down on the sofa, trying to put the pieces together. He couldn't make sense of it. _She was fine when she left here. A little fired up, but fine. So what could have happened? _He asked himself. He ran through what she would have been doing once she got home. _By 2 o'clock she would have been sleeping… _And then it clicked. _Sleeping… dreaming… nightmares… _he thought. He could almost hear the cogs turning in his brain as it all fell into place. How could he not have realised this before. _The nightmares must be back._ There was nothing he could do but be there for her, if she insisted on keeping him out. Rick crossed the room to the balcony and wrapped his arms around her from behind. He buried his face in her hair and she snuggled back into his embrace. It made her feel safe and that was all that he could do for her right now.

Rick and Kate stood in the doorway to the balcony for a considerable amount of time, goosebumps appearing all over her body as the cold air hit her skin.

"We should go inside. You're freezing."

"Not yet" she replied.

He released his grip of her and walked away. She followed him with her eyes, wishing he had stayed with her. All she wanted was to be beside him, to forget all the bad. Two minutes later Rick returned; he was carrying a purple fleecy blanket, still warm from the airing cupboard. He stood in front of her, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and pulling it tight. He brushed her windswept hair from her eyes and stroked her face with his hand. He placed a single kiss on her forehead and resumed his position behind her. Embracing her tightly, he hoped, maybe in vain, that it might help her to feel safer and less guarded. Seeing her like this was making it harder for him to give her space and do nothing. It was killing him. He wanted her to open up to him; he needed her to, so that he could understand and actually do something.

Finally she stepped away from him and turned around. She softly kissed him on the lips, so lightly he barely felt it. "Thank you." she whispered.

"Always."

Kate smiled and headed inside, keeping the blanket around her. She snuggled down on the sofa and, as he sat down beside her, she closed her eyes. She had had almost no sleep the night before and figured that the dreams wouldn't come when she was in his arms and knew that he was safe. But still she woke up screaming, tears streaming down her face, and in a cold sweat. Now she had to tell him; they both knew that he wouldn't take no for an answer, not now that he had seen her like this. So, attempting to restrain her emotions long enough to talk, she began at the beginning. By the time she reached the end, she felt as though she would throw up. With some very deep breaths she managed to hold it back. She had to stop breaking in front of him. It made her feel vulnerable and she didn't want to expose herself like that to anyone, not even Rick.

Rick stroked her hair as she laid her head back in his lap. "We'll catch these guys, I promise. Nothing is going to happen to either of us! We've gotten through things like this before. And like you said, no matter what they've sent our way, we've always survived. Hell, you survived a bullet!"

"I was being totally reckless when I said that. We're not invincible Rick, neither of us. I can't have you getting hurt because of me. You have a family to think about."

"So do you." he responded.

That took her by surprise. Although he had said it before, she had never really thought about it in the context of possibly losing them. He was right, she did feel as though she was part of their family, and she found herself hoping that they felt the same way. She'd not felt part of a family in such a long time. Once her mother was gone, it hadn't been the same. Her father drank and she was constantly trying to save him from himself, whilst trying to keep herself afloat too. It was definitely no longer a family. Since he became sober things had gotten better, but it was never like it was. She felt happy with Rick, Alexis and Martha, like she had when it was her, her mother and her father. She felt at home.

The dream had reminded her that, although she would be able to defend herself, he could not. He would get himself killed if he came along with her. Despite the fact that she thought of him as her partner, she often forgot that he wasn't really a cop; he had no training, no defence. "You're staying behind! I can't lose you."

"Like hell I am!"

"It's too dangerous, Rick"

"Either you take me with you or I follow you. Clearly I'll be safer by your side."

"What are you going to do if someone comes at you with a knife? Do your girly scream and hope it scares them away?" She made herself laugh a little with that comment.

"Then you'll train me. I'm sure with all your many expertise you can train me to dodge a knife."

Kate ignored the innuendo in that sentence; it was subtle, but she knew it was there. "We're going to need to work on your fitness then." she continued.

"Isn't that what we've been doing?" he asked cheekily. He put it right out there, knowing that she couldn't avoid that one. He was trying rile her up a little, trying to get that…

_Oh there it is_, he thought, _that eye roll I've been waiting for._

He chuckled and she glared a little, until the hint of a smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. She couldn't be angry with him when he had that big grin on his face. "That's better!" he said "Back to the normal Beckett. You haven't rolled your eyes at me in far too long."

That made her laugh. "And you're back to the same old Castle, never failing to drive me insane."

"In all the best ways" he added, raising his eyebrows suggestively. And there was the eye roll again. "Oh, you're so cute when you're angry."

Kate bit her lip, trying to hold back the smile; it took all the power out of the glare.

It always turned him on when she bit her lip like that. It made him want to bite it too. Kate could see the lust building in his eyes.

"No." she said, stopping him in his tracks. There were those puppy dog eyes again… so hard to resist.

"No." she said again, her resolve waning somewhat. He could sense that and prepared to strike.

Again she interrupted him, jumping up from the sofa. "How about a little theory building?" she asked. "Lanie gave me some new leads. I never got round to filling you in yesterday on everything she told me."

Now Rick was the one rolling his eyes. His hands balled up into fists by his sides; she was so frustrating! Kate could read him like book and it made her chuckle to know how he was feeling. "Calm down, kitten" she said. She was playing him now; she wanted to have a little fun. He growled a little and she could tell it was driving him crazy. It just made her laugh harder. She put her face to his, close enough that she could feel his breath on her lips. She inched a little closer and ran her tongue along his bottom lip. Just as he moved in for a kiss, she moved back a little, teasing him. She put her finger to his chest and pushed him backwards so that his back was against the back of the sofa, and she knelt down on the sofa, her legs straddling him. She put her hands in his hair to hold him back. She wanted all of the control. She got close again to kiss him, pressing her lips ever so gently against his, leaving him wanting more. She then kissed along his jaw with the same light pressure and then back to his lips. As she went in to kiss his lips again, he grabbed her bottom lip between his teeth, forcing her closer. She gave in and relinquished control for just a second, kissing him passionately. Once he was totally entranced, she kissed back up his jaw towards his ear, whispering "We need to solve this case! Maybe you should go get some air. A cold shower might help." She laughed and got up from his lap. She had the control back; the effect that she could have on him, it made her feel powerful. She was still chuckling as she walked over to the murder board and switched it on. She left him sat on the sofa, recovering; revenge was sweet!


	21. Chapter 21

Kate opened up the murder file and flinched a little at the sight of all of the suspects and the numerous victims. The word deceased appeared far too many times across the screen. Though it was barely discernible, Rick saw her reaction. He took some deep breaths, pulled himself together and made his way over to the murder board. "Are you sure you're ready for this?" he whispered behind her.

It made her jump; she hadn't heard him move from the sofa. She turned her head to face him "I have to be."

Rick nodded. This time he agreed; she had no choice, she did have to be ready. They were coming at her and she had absolutely no control. They had no clue when or where, so they had to be prepared. "I meant it, you know, about you training me. I want to learn, I need to."

_It's a good idea_, she thought. The image of him having to use the skills to defend himself, made her shudder; now _that_ she wasn't ready for. She reluctantly agreed. "Anyway, I need to tell you what Lanie told me. You can add it to the board, because I have no clue how to use this thing. You know I'm much more comfortable with my whiteboard."

Rick chuckled. "Ok, so what did you find out?"

Kate had come to terms with what Lanie had told her so she did not breakdown in her retelling of the information. She just hoped that Rick could handle it. "I'll just give you the cliff notes version. Hawley was killed in the same way as the others, one fatal blow disguised to look like gang violence, he was found in Washington Heights. It was a body dump, so we don't know where he was actually killed. He was covered in bruises that had occurred a little earlier than the murder; the bruises had fully formed and the fractures already showed signs of healing. From this, Lanie estimates that he was beaten at least 12 hours before death. Something to do with fibroblasts… it went straight over my head. So we just need to work out what happened in those 12 hours, where he went, what he did. And of course we need to find the murder site."

Rick didn't know what to say, he just stood there for a moment totally speechless. He was totally lost in his thoughts, _It's clear they are sending her a message with this murder, to show her how easily they can get to her, to highlight the fact that there is now nothing stopping them._ He noticed Kate looking at him nervously. _Be strong, _he told himself, _you have to be strong for her! _So he took another deep breath and said "Ok, let's get all that onto the board." He worked for around 10 minutes creating new branches on his chart, putting all the information in the right places, writing down new areas of investigation. "Is there anything else you can think of?" he asked, referring to leads to follow. Rick's list was extensive; he had thought of everything.

* * *

**Hawley leads**

Check out dump site

- forensics

- witnesses?

- cameras in the area?

- - - - - Maddox?

- - - - - - - - still using Maddox after he was caught?

- - - - - - - - see: '**Maddox leads'**

- - - - - Hawley?

- - - - - any other suspicious activity

Find murder site

- forensics

Where he went during 12+ hours

- forensics

- cameras?

Was he kept somewhere and escaped?

Search house for evidence

- evidence of information

- where info may have been hidden

- info stolen?

- - - - - prints at house

* * *

"Not that I can think of" she replied, looking at their list of leads. It was bigger than she thought it would be. This gave her hope. Just then she received a call from Esposito.

"Am I interrupting anything?" he asked, sounding wary. He didn't want Kate angry at him again.

Kate laughed "No, for once."

"Ok, good. We've heard back from forensics. Got them to rush it through for us."

"How did you manage that?" Kate asked. She heard Ryan cough awkwardly in the background. "Espo?"

"You don't want to know" Ryan answered.

"I agreed to a date with the woman in forensics" said Espo.

"Prostituting yourself for evidence? Really, Espo?"

"Hey, I did it for you girl. Did you really want to wait a couple of weeks?"

"How saintly of you," said Ryan in the background, "Nothing to do with her being hot then?"

"So hot" Espo muttered.

"Well let's just hope Lanie doesn't hear about this. She won't be happy," responded Kate "and, thank you."

"No worries, and Lanie and I aren't together. Why would she be bothered?"

"Seriously Espo, are you blind?"

"What?"

Kate's eye roll was almost audible through the phone, and Ryan was shaking his head at him.

"What?" he repeated.

"You'll figure it out." Kate replied "So are you coming over? We're just working on the murder board now."

"The murder smart-board?" asked Ryan excitedly.

_Seriously… boys and their toys, _Kate thought. "Yes, the smart board."

"We'll be over A.S.A.P. Just got to escape Gates." said Espo. "Later."

"See you soon." said Kate.

Alexis arrived home just after Kate got off the phone. She could see Kate's coat hung up so called out to let them know she was home. She didn't want to walk in on anything. "Dad?"

"We're in the office, sweetie." he replied. "How was your day?" he asked as she entered the room.

"Really good thanks. Had lunch with the girls and spoke to Grams on the phone. She's coming home tomorrow. Apparently she has huge news."

"What sort of news?"

"I don't know. I couldn't get it out of her. She said she had to tell us all together, face to face."

"Did she sound happy? Sad? Angry?"

"I couldn't tell. She's an actress remember, she can fake any emotion anyway."

"She's not that good of an actress."

Alexis glared at him.

"Oh God, don't tell her I said that." he begged.

"What do I get out of it?" she asked cheekily.

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart-attack! Don't tell me your not proud." she chuckled.

Rick rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

Alexis pretended to think about it for a moment. "I need a new wardrobe for college…"

"Done!"

"And…"

"And?"

"Yes, and I want to throw a going away party for my friends and I."

"Ok."

"And…"

"You want something else?"

"I want a scooter!"

"Woah. No! We talked about this before."

"I'm 18 years old. I'm responsible enough to drive a scooter. Don't you trust me?"

"It's other people I don't trust." It wasn't just their driving he didn't trust. Previous visions of Kate in tight leather on a scooter came to mind, and he definitely didn't want people having those sorts of thoughts about his daughter.

"Hundreds of people have scooters."

"And hundreds of people have accidents on scooters. Maybe you can get a bicycle instead. That will get you around campus."

Kate rolled her eyes at him. She felt a little bad for Alexis, after all she had had one when she was around Alexis' age. She didn't speak out though; it wasn't her place and she didn't want to undermine him in front of her.

"Dad, please?" she begged.

"If you want one, you can get a part-time job and save up for one. No selling of personal possessions this time or bodily organs!" He stated. He needed to make that clear after the last fiasco. Plus, maybe it would be good for her to get a part-time job. He didn't want her growing up without any appreciation for the value of money.

_At least that's not a no,_ Alexis thought to herself. She nodded. It was a new challenge. "What are you guys up to anyway?" she asked.

"We're just working out all of the leads we have."

"Can I help?"

"There's really not a lot that any of us can do until Espo and Ryan turn up with the forensic reports." answered Kate. "You can stick around though if you like?" Kate smiled at Alexis. She really wanted to be close to Alexis, to become part of their family. Rick had once asked Kate that if anything should happen to him, could she please watch out for Alexis. At the time it had seemed like a huge responsibility, but now she felt as though it was a silly question; she couldn't imagine not being there for Alexis. Of course, they'd had their ups and downs but mostly they got on well. Kate was surprised that Alexis wasn't angry at her for dragging her father into all this though; it was usually the danger she brought upon them that got Alexis worried, and thus mad. Kate felt like she needed to know why. As soon as Rick left the room to get snacks, Kate asked Alexis "Why aren't you angry at me for putting your dad in danger? To be honest, I wouldn't blame you if you were."

"Because it would do no good. I'd be mad, but he'd still follow you around. It would just create conflict that doesn't need to be there. He's a grown up, some of the time, and he's old enough to make his own decisions. But mostly, it's because I've seen how happy you make him. I've never seen him as happy as he is when he's with you, even before you were together. His face lights up when he talks about you, he smiles every time you call. He's happy, and that makes me happy and, consequently, not mad." Alexis smiled at Kate "So it's ok, you really don't have to worry. Though if you wanted to talk him into getting me a scooter, that would make me doubly happy."

Kate laughed. "I'll see what I can do."


	22. Chapter 22

"What are you two gossiping about?" asked Rick as he entered the room. He had been gone a while, and they understood why looking at the large array of food he brought back in.

"Nothing," they both replied at once. Kate had been telling Alexis about the time when she had a scooter, telling her stories from her past in an attempt to bond with her. Alexis looked at Kate with wonderment. From the few stories she'd told, it sounded like she had led such an exciting life already and she was only just in her thirties. There was an edge of jealousy, but mostly excitement and anticipation for the future. In that moment, she decided she wanted stories like Kate, obviously not the bad parts, but she wanted to experience life to the fullest. She was desperate to hear more, but she would have to wait for another time. She had so many questions and felt like Kate was the sort of person that she may be able to go to for advice in the future. She had never really had a woman who she could talk to; obviously she had Grams, but there were some things she just couldn't talk to her about. Maybe one day she and Kate could be close enough for that.

Rick eyed them suspiciously, but let it go when he heard a knock at the door. Still with plates and bowls in his hands, he asked Alexis to get the door.

"What's with all the food?" Kate asked curiously.

"Well I needed something to stem the cravings."

She knew it wasn't the food he was craving. There was always another meaning behind everything he said. Kate rolled her eyes at him and laughed a little.

"It was all I could think of," he shrugged.

She refrained from rolling her eyes at him again and tried to stifle the laughter threatening to break through, as she saw Ryan and Esposito entering the room.

"Interrupting?" Espo asked.

"No, not at all," Rick answered, his eyes not leaving Kate's. She could feel the hint of a glare in his eyes.

"Stop pouting," she laughed. Now it was he who rolled his eyes.

"God woman, you're so frustrating," he mumbled.

"Mmm hmm," she assented, again stifling a giggle as she thought back to earlier in the day.

Ryan and Esposito exchanged glances. "I think we're interrupting," muttered Ryan to Espo.

Kate overheard and smiled, "Why break tradition?"

Espo smirked and Kate shook her head in amusement.

"Hey, what's with all the food anyway?" he asked. Kate bit her lip, again in an attempt to hold in the laughter. It was getting harder and harder with every comment.

"Castle was feeling a little hungry," Kate replied, trying to sound nonchalant. She thought she pulled it off quite well, but the look in Rick's eyes showed a different sort of hunger that he couldn't repress. He wanted to devour her. That look made her blush and she gave him a 'not-now' look. Rick collected himself, taking a deep breath, and took a seat on the sofa.

"I'm starving!" he agreed, as he helped himself to a large handful of crisps. "So what did forensics come back with?"

Ryan began, "Ok, so they found tyre treads near the dump site. They're trying to work out make and model so that they can track down the car. Soil samples from his shoes showed that he was in an area very close to a body of water."

"But there's water circling Manhattan. How does that help?" asked Kate.

"Oh no, not Manhattan," interrupted Espo.

"What?"

"Will you let me finish?" Ryan chuckled. "The water had a larger concentration of salt than the water up here, indicating that it was from somewhere closer to the ocean."

"Can they narrow it down any further than that?"

"I'm getting to that," he huffs, exasperated. "I'm going to jump straight to the point because you are far too impatient today. He was at Brooklyn Bridge Park."

"Brooklyn?"

"Yes, Brooklyn." Ryan rolled his eyes

"What was he doing in Brooklyn?" Kate asked.

"I don't know, but it's a lead."

"Was there anything else?" Rick asked.

"Just one more thing, so far," Espo took over, sensing Ryan's frustration. "They found a small amount of blood on his clothes… blood that wasn't his."

Kate dropped the biscuit she was eating. "What? Why didn't you start with that?"

"Saving the best til last," he chuckled. "Well not really the best. The blood was a match with someone in the system, but it's a closed file. We'd have to go right to the top to get at that info. It might be too risky."

"I wish we knew who we could trust," muttered Ryan.

Kate brought her hand up to her to her face, rubbing her forehead in thought. She took her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down in anxiety this time. Rick watched her nervously; she was going to hurt herself biting that hard. He took her face in his hands making eye contact and pulling her lip from between her teeth with his thumb. He gently rubbed his thumb across her bottom lip in an attempt to soothe it; the rest of the room was forgotten in that moment. He held eye contact until the worry had disappeared from her gaze. He had learned that looking into his eyes always calmed her. She would watch the ebb and flow of the ocean in his eyes. Then came the awkward cough; it brought them back into the room. Rick's hand left her face but she took it in hers. He looked down at their hands in her lap, and then looked up at Ryan and Esposito, feeling somewhat embarrassed. Kate's eyes, however, did not leave his face; she sat there listening to the guys carrying on the conversation. They were waiting for updates from forensics before they could follow any of these new leads, but they would put in requests for CCTV in all the areas linked to the case. As they spoke, she felt their eyes keep flicking towards her; she didn't care. Nothing seemed as bad when she looked at him. She zoned out of the conversation entirely, brought back by a gentle squeeze of her hand. She finally looked up at Ryan and Esposito. They were leaving? How long was she absent for?

"Oh ok, I'll see you later," Kate muttered.

Ryan and Esposito gave her gentle smiles. "See you later, Beckett"

She smiled back, still feeling a little absent-minded.

Rick showed them out. "She's had a long day, and didn't get much sleep last night."

Espo raised a suggestive eyebrow.

"Not like that," Rick countered, "she's been having nightmares."

Espo nodded understandingly. There was no need to say any more. "Look after her. We'll keep you updated with anything we find out."

"Thanks," Rick smiled. After he showed them out, he went back to Kate on the sofa.

"Sorry about that," she murmured. She didn't know what was wrong with her; her emotions were everywhere lately.

Rick shook his head. "Come on, let's get you into bed."

Although it was only late afternoon, she felt completely drained. She nodded as he swept her up off of the sofa and carried her into the bedroom. Her eyes were closed before her head even hit the pillow. He sat and watched her sleep for a while, then left her in peace and joined Alexis in the lounge; she was watching a Friends marathon on TV.

It had been about two hours since he put Kate to bed. Just as a new episode began, they heard screaming coming from the bedroom. It was the worst he'd heard it. They rushed in to see her tossing and turning in the bed, still screaming, tears pouring down her face. He had never seen her like this, so vulnerable.

* * *

_Sorry it's been so long since my last chapter. I discovered 50 Shades + got distracted lol. I promise it won't be as long til my next one. Thanks again for all your lovely reviews so far. Hope u liked this one as much as the others :)_


	23. Chapter 23

"Alexis, get out!" Rick shouted. He knew Kate would not want to be seen like that. Alexis left the room bewildered by what was happening. Her dad sounded so angry, or was it worry? Horror? He had never used that tone with her before, so she couldn't place it.

Rick rushed over to the bed and took Kate in his arms, trying to soothe her. She fought against him, shouting "No, leave him alone! Not him! No….!" Her scream was bloodcurdling. As much as she struggled against him, he held her close, stroking her face and trying to dry the tears that continued to stream from her eyes.

"Kate, wake up! Wake up! It's ok. I'm here. Kate, I'm here," he repeated. Finally she stopped struggling and her body went limp; he didn't loosen his grip on her. "I love you, Kate. I'm here," he reassured her. Kate began to come back into consciousness. She opened her blurry eyes and looked across at his tear-stained shirt. _He's here, he's alive_, she thought. She couldn't shake the horror of her dream. He continued to hold her as she trembled in his arms, fighting back the nausea and the next bout of tears that threatened to escape. He was fighting just as hard to hold his back too; the tears had begun to pool in his eyes as well. He couldn't bear to see her like this, but for her to see him break would only make it worse. _I have to stay strong for her_, he reminded himself.

Rick took a deep breath to settle himself and manoeuvred himself so that he was facing her, looking straight into her clouded forest-green eyes. Once again, those crystal-blue eyes calmed her just as the water does. "I need to take a shower," she finally said.

"We should talk about this, Kate."

"No, I need a shower." Kate knew that the flowing of the water was the best thing to help her in that moment. Rick wanted to stop her, wanted to help her, but there was nothing that he could do. Yet again he felt powerless. The truth was Kate felt powerless too; her independence was the only thing she had that gave her some level of control. She couldn't give that up. She climbed off the bed, pushing past Rick, dried her tears and headed into the en-suite bathroom.

Rick sat on the bed in despair, knowing that he was losing her. He could feel her withdrawing from him and building that wall back up. He wouldn't let that happen. They had been through too much together to start going backwards now. A sense of urgency and determination flooded through him as he got up and followed her into the bathroom.

Kate, her voice still husky from the tears, asked "Rick, what are you-"

He silenced her with his tongue as he kissed her passionately, forcing her against the wall. She felt the cold of the tiles against her bare back. The contrast against her body temperature made her feel as though her blood was boiling as it pumped through her body, pulse racing. Rick felt the heat too as he began removing his clothes.

In between kisses, as he stopped to breathe, she managed to get out the words "Rick, I…. Shower."

"Me too," he responded in his next breath. She halted the kiss and, just as he thought she was going to ask him to leave, she took his hand and led him into the shower. He was still half-clothed as the water began to fall, soaking him through. As he pressed her against the wall, occupying her mouth, she reached down to his belt and took care of the rest of his clothes. The combination of the water and closeness was exactly what she needed.

Almost an hour later they emerged from the shower, steam and the scent of cherries filling the room. Finally, there was a hint of a smile playing on her lips. He wrapped a towel around her and planted a kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"I'm starving," she suddenly announced. They were the first coherent words muttered in the past hour, breaking the silence. It made Rick chuckle.

"What do you want to eat?" he asked.

"I'm really craving noodles."

"Ordering in it is then," he laughed. Chinese food was on his no-cook list after all. Kate laughed a little too. _It's nice to hear her laugh_, he thought with a smile. He pulled on a pair of trackies and a t-shirt and walked towards Kate; she was still sat on the bed wrapped in a towel. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and murmured "I'll go order. As much as I hate it, I guess you better get dressed. Alexis won't appreciate your nudity over dinner as much as I would." At that, Kate threw a towel at him and rolled her eyes.

"Go and order!" she demanded with faux-annoyance. "Extra spring rolls please," she added sweetly as he left the room. She heard him chuckle from the other room.

Kate rummaged through a bag of clothes that she had left there for circumstances such as these. She decided on pyjamas; it was getting late and she definitely didn't want to sleep alone that night. Rick returned to the bedroom and passed her a robe. "Guess you're staying the night then?" He couldn't hide the glee on his face. How much he loved her was evident in that moment, she could see it in his eyes. She was still struggling to understand why, but it made her happy all the same. She answered with a smile that mirrored his.

* * *

_Bit of a short chapter, but it's a continuation from the last chapter's little cliffhanger. Going to try updating most days again. Sorry again that I made you all wait so long, and thanks for coming back. I really appreciate it. Love to all my loyal fans! :) Please review! x_


	24. Chapter 24

Kate awoke feeling suffocatingly hot but relieved by the absence of any nightmares. She felt like she had woken up in the desert under the midday sun, the reason behind which became immediately obvious. Rick had wrapped his body around Kate's, their bodies were pressed together and their legs intertwined, and although the heat emanating from his body was overwhelming, it made her feel safe. Maybe his closeness had kept the nightmares at bay, she didn't know, but she had felt his presence as she slept; he didn't let go of her once.

Kate snuggled into his embrace, savouring this rare and treasured moment of happiness before reality set in. She listened to the steady thrum of his heart and felt the rise and fall of his chest against her back. With the silence in the room, she could pay attention to every breath, every beat. Each one was important; too many lives had been lost and too many fears were pushing their way in. While trying to keep herself focused, she noticed his heart rate and breathing quicken slightly and she knew he was awake.

Rick pulled her even tighter against his chest and gently placed a kiss on her neck. "Morning honey," he whispered.

Kate turned her head for a moment. "Honey?" she asked cynically.

"What would you prefer? Sugar plum? Doll face?" he grinned cheekily.

"Hmmm…" she murmured. Secretly she quite liked it, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

"You know, I can tell when you're rolling your eyes at me, even when you are facing the other way… oh, and the glare," he laughed, just as her eye roll turned into a glare. _Damn, he knows me too well,_ she thought.

"So cherry pie, how about some breakfast?"

Kate turned fully this time to face him. She wanted him to witness the full extent of this glare.

"Just trying it out," he laughed. "I'll find one you like."

She rolled her eyes at him and his face split into a grin. Kate couldn't help the answering smile that invaded her face. It was so hard to be mad at him. _But, oh God, what if the guys find out? I'll never live that down, _she thought. And suddenly she was annoyed again. "Let's stay away from anything remotely embarrassing," she warned.

"Right you are, sweet cheeks."

"Are you kidding me?!"

"About what?" he asked, picture of innocence.

She was such an easy target; Rick was loving how riled up she was getting. He was in hysterics.

_Two can play at that game, _Kate thought.

"Nothing kitten. So what's for breakfast?"

A confused look crossed Rick's face. He wasn't expecting her come back. But why wasn't he expecting it? It's what they had always done. He had been so worried about her lately, that he had almost forgotten what it was like to just be normal. The idea of normality made him smile. That wasn't the reaction she was aiming for. Maybe she needed to step it up a notch. Right now she would stick with "Baby, you were making breakfast."

"Hmmm... I like it when you call me baby," he joked.

It took everything she had not to roll her eyes at him again. She was becoming predictable, but that was just the reflexive reaction when she spoke to him. _Maybe he should control the stupid things he says,_ she contemplated, but she realised that it was those things she loved him for, not in spite of. She wouldn't change him for the world.

"Pancakes?" she asked, getting out of bed and heading to the kitchen.

"Oh, but pancakes is not just breakfast, it's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you so much for last night,'" he said, quoting Esposito.

"Thanks so much for last night," she laughed and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I love you," she whispered into his ear. "Now where are my pancakes!" she demanded, adding a "please" on the end in the sweetest voice she could muster.

Now he rolled his eyes at her. "Ok, pancakes." He decided on smiley face pancakes and hunted down the chocolate buttons.

While he cooked, Kate went to get dressed and Alexis came down for breakfast.

"Pancakes?" Rick asked.

"Thanks," Alexis answered with a smile. "How is she today?" she asked, referring to Kate.

"Better I think, though it's been fairly up and down the whole time so who knows?"

Alexis nodded understandingly, and then smiled at Kate as she re-entered the room. She sat down at the table opposite Alexis, as Rick served up breakfast. The happy faces on the pancakes made her smile.

"Alexis' favourite," he shrugged and Alexis grinned.

"It's perfect, thank you." It really was perfect. It was the normality she had been seeking since the night 13 years ago when her mum was murdered.

"I think I'm going to visit Dr. Burke later," she told him when they were alone, "...my therapist." She answered his querying gaze.

"Oh… ok. That's probably a good idea," he responded. "I may need to join you after this talk with my mother," he joked. She laughed too, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. She was thinking about all of the things that had happened, everything she would need to tell Dr. Burke. She gave him a call and actually made an appointment for once. His receptionist seemed surprised to hear from her but scheduled an appointment for noon that day. She didn't have long to wait which she thought was probably for the best, although she knew he would probably say something along the lines of "it will take time… there's no immediate cure." It always annoyed her when he said that. She just wanted it to be over with; she just wanted to be happy.

* * *

_Apologies for the stupidly long wait! I've been without a laptop for 6 weeks after mine died :( I've not written in a long time, so I'm a little rusty lol. Thought I'd start off a little light-hearted for my first chapter back. Again, sorry it's been so long. Hope u enjoyed the chapter. Next one is almost finished so hopefully (barring external forces) it won't be long. x_


	25. Chapter 25

It was around 11:45 when Kate arrived at Dr Burke's office. She had left early to enjoy a stroll across town; it may have been a reckless decision considering the circumstances, and she definitely wasn't about to tell Rick, but she needed the fresh air. As much as she appreciated the security of staying locked inside, she was used to always being out and about, chasing down leads, visiting murder sites, canvassing for witnesses. It was a very freeing job, being a detective; now she was cooped up, hiding from the bad elements rather than hunting them down. It felt unnatural. She walked with her head down, trying to stay as invisible as possible. She wasn't stupid; she knew the danger she was facing, but as per usual, she was playing with fire. By the time Kate reached the office she was pretty sure she hadn't been followed; she had walked for nearly an hour and they would have had plenty of opportunity to attack. She took a seat in the waiting room; she had never had to wait before. It was cosy, with the type of sofas that you just sink into, the music obviously from a chillout album, and the scent of Ylang Ylang filling the room. _This is so cliché_, she thought. Much to her surprise though, it had the desired effect; she was feeling calmer already_. Hmmm._

"Kate?" The receptionist entered the room and beckoned her out. "Dr. Burke can see you now. Just head upstairs, he's waiting." She hadn't had to wait long; it was still before midday.

As Kate exited the elevator, Dr. Burke was stood in his doorway with a smile on his face. "Kate, it's nice to see you again. You're a little drier than last time we met," he joked. Kate smiled too. He knew how to put her at ease. "So what can I do for you today?" he asked, indicating for her to sit.

"It's the nightmares, they're getting worse."

"PTSD is not something that just goes away. It is something that we'll need to work on again, especially as you seem prone to life-threatening events," he joked, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. He was being mostly serious. "Look, it isn't going to be easy, and usual therapies won't work. In any other circumstances I would be trying to convince you that there is no danger, but I'd be lying in your case. You know there is danger; it's not a figment of your imagination. All we can do is work on your belief systems, convince you that you can handle the danger. Once you believe that, the symptoms should improve. It is your fear that is feeding the PTSD."

After a pause, he added "You look disappointed. You knew before you came that there would be no immediate cure, I can't just give you pills and make it all go away Kate."

"I know. Just a little wishful thinking." She half-smiled as she said it.

"I can prescribe you something for sleeping. It should knock you out and make the nightmares less likely. It's not 100% effective and it's by no means a cure."

"Thank you."

"First I need you to tell me about these nightmares though. I know it's hard Kate, but I can't help you until you do."

Kate took a deep breath. "Ok." Silence fell over the room as she took another deep breath, and then another. Dr. Burke did not say a word, he didn't interrupt, and he didn't rush her. She needed to do this in her own time. After about two minutes she began to retell the story of her latest nightmares. "Lately it has been almost the same nightmare, on repeat. And they're so vivid. The last began with myself and Rick walking through a cemetery. I think it's the one where my mum is buried, but I can't be sure. I don't know why we are there. It makes no sense. Suddenly out of nowhere someone grabs me from behind and throws me across the grass. I hit my head on a tombstone and I can feel the blood trickle down my face. I'm ok though. Someone pulls me up, a faceless man, and slaps me hard across my cheek, so hard that I feel my teeth cut into the inside. I throw a punch to his stomach and hook my leg around his, knocking the man to the floor. I've sparred many times, so I'm holding my own for the moment. He's on his feet again and pulls out a knife. It raises the bar but I think I can take him. He's not as strong as Maddox was. Stronger than me, but I'm faster. We continue to wrestle, until I see a glint through the corner of my eye. Someone is going after Rick with a knife. He's down on the ground, blood on his face, holding his arm as though it is broken, and a man is heading towards him. I scream out, but he doesn't hear me. I can't scream loud enough for anyone to hear. I'm distracted and end up with a nasty slash down my arm. With all my strength I kick the guy I'm fighting, knocking him to the ground, and I run towards Rick. But my legs won't move fast enough and all I can do is watch as the man thrusts the dagger and Rick collapses to the floor. It's like I'm aware of the throbbing of the bruises and the blood as it runs down my arm, but I don't feel it, it doesn't matter. The pain of watching the life drain out of Rick is worse than anything I've ever felt. I've taken bullets, almost frozen to death, but it doesn't compare. And then I wake up crying, with the memory of Rick's cold, lifeless body in my arms. The sense of loss is hard to shake, even though I know it's not real."

There was silence again as Kate wiped away the tears that had escaped while she had recounted the story. After giving Kate a minute to collect herself, Dr. Burke spoke. "This explains a lot. It is not just a fear for yourself, not necessarily a belief that you are unable to protect yourself, but a fear that you will not be able to protect others, the ones you love. You have taken responsibility for the fate of everyone around you and that is the weight bearing down on you. But Kate, these people have made a conscious decision to help you. They are consenting adults with their own minds. You have not forced them into this and they have the option to walk away at any time. It is their choice to stay and there is nothing you can do about it either way."

"But it's my fight. If they get hurt, it's on me. It's all on me. They stay because they care about me."

"The fact that they all love you is not a fault of yours. You need to stop blaming yourself for this and learn to accept it. That is what we will work on. Maybe there are other things you can do to put your mind at ease too. Maybe you could teach Rick to defend himself. If you can view him as less helpless, maybe the outcome of those fight scenes would be different. We also need to build up your confidence. You still doubt your ability to protect yourself. You may be able to fight off others, but Maddox still scares you. You need to believe that you can beat him. And finally, you need to be more open about what is going on; find someone you can confide in, maybe Rick, maybe someone else. But you can't avoid thinking and talking about it, Kate. That only makes it worse. Plus, it will be easier if you have someone to help you through this. Just think about it, ok?"

Kate just nodded. Although she had taken in all that he had said, her mind was still wandering over the memories of that dream. He let her sit and think for a while. He didn't have any appointments scheduled until later in the day so there was no rush. When she was ready to leave, Dr. Burke gave her a prescription for sleeping tablets and told her to make an appointment for later in the week. She was to come back at least once a week for 'cognitive restructuring' she thought he said. He said that it would help so she didn't fight it. She took a cab back to Rick's apartment, not fancying the walk this time around. Reliving it all again had pushed the fear to the forefront of her mind. She wondered if Martha would be there. Spending time with his family was always a good distraction. There was usually something dramatic going on. The thought made her smile as she let herself into his apartment building.

* * *

_See, I told you that I wouldn't make you wait, haha! Hope you liked it. Please review! :) x_


	26. Chapter 26

_Apologies for the ridiculous amount of time it's taken me to update. I've been a very busy bee... with a case of writers block lol. Hopefully I'll be updating more frequently again now. Hope you like this new chapter and that you haven't forgotten the rest of the story in the meantime. Maybe refresh your memories with a couple of chapters before reading this lol. x_

* * *

A while after Kate left to visit Dr. Burke, Martha arrived home, suitcases in hand. "A little help darling," she called out to Rick.

"How much luggage? I'm sure you didn't leave with that many suitcases," he responded, shocked. "I thought you were going for a spa week?"

"Well I added a little retail therapy to the itinerary. Anyway, that's not the thing I wanted to talk to you about."

"So what is it?" Alexis interrupted. "You sound really serious."

"Well, that's the thing sweetheart, it is a little serious. Not bad serious, just big news. While I was away, I received a call from a casting director. They want me as a lead for a new play they're doing. I met up with them and they want me to start right away. It will mean touring, so I won't be around much for a while."

"So you've already agreed?" asked Alexis. "You're really leaving?"

"Oh get those sad looks off of your faces; it's only for a few months, unless it really takes off. You'll be off at college anyway," she said to Alexis, "and I thought you'd be glad of the alone time with Kate."

Alexis pulled an "eww" face at the mention of alone time. Those were images she didn't want in her head.

"It was only meant to be temporary and I've been here for four years now. Not that I don't love being here and spending all this time with you, but it's time for me to get away for a bit. It's Broadway darlings!" Martha said, with excitement in her voice.

"Then I'm happy for you, mother. It's odd; three years ago I'd have been thrilled at this news. Who knew things would turn out like this?"

"I know, son. I thought you'd have killed me by now, or at least kicked me out," she joked.

"I thought so too," he laughed.

"I'm going to miss you Gram," whispered Alexis, as she leaned in to hug Martha.

"I'm going to miss you too… both of you. It's going to be hard, but it's an opportunity of a lifetime, and it's time I stand on my own two feet again. I've been here too long and I've relied on you too much."

"That's true," he laughed. Martha playfully hit him. "Ow!"

She shook her head at him. "And everyone says I'm the drama queen."

"When are you leaving?" Alexis asked, glumly.

"I'm not leaving just yet. I've got a few more days here kiddos."

"Is that it?" asked Alexis.

"You, my darling, are off to college in a few weeks anyway. Let's just call this an early separation. I'll pop back and visit from time to time, to check up on the two of you."

"You probably shouldn't drop by unexpectedly though," warned Rick, a teasing look in his eyes.

Martha laughed. "No, probably not."

Suddenly it clicked in Alexis' head what they were talking about. "Seriously, eww!"

"Maybe you should let us know before you come home too Alexis," he joked. He loved to wind her up; the look on her face was priceless. "I'm joking pumpkin. You can come home anytime you want."

"I think I'll call first," she decided.

Over a cup of tea, Martha told them all about her trip and the new play. Just as the conversation turned back to Kate, there was a knock at the door. "Speak of the devil," he said and went to let her in. "I thought you'd have been home sooner," he whispered to her as he placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

"Yeah, I thought so too. But I had a lot to think about and work through. I'll talk to you about it later," she promised. Rick nodded; he wasn't going to push it. Just her agreeing to talk about it willingly was progress. He didn't expect her to talk about it with everyone else in the room.

"Oh Kate, darling. How are you?"

"Hello Martha. I've been better, but you know how it is." Martha nodded understandingly. "So how are you? What's this big news I've heard about?"

"Oh, I've been given a role in a new play; the lead role," Martha told Kate proudly.

"Wow, congratulations! That's great news."

"It does mean that I'll be leaving though, which these two are now pouting about. It's not like I'm never coming back," she explained. "I'm leaving it up to you to look after him now though, especially with Alexis off to college."

"Don't worry, I'll take good care of him," Kate assured her.

"I bet you will," winked Martha and Kate's cheeks flushed.

"Mother!" Rick cut in.

"Ok, ok, I'm only playing. Thank you, Kate. It means a lot that you'll be here for him."

"Always," she said, winking at Rick. It was their secret word; they may not have always known it, but it meant _"I love you!"_

After dinner and a lot of small talk, gradually each retreated to their rooms. Rick and Kate headed to his room to talk. "I really should get you a key," he stated. "You're here all the time. It will be far more convenient," he joked.

"A key? This is a big step Mr Castle. Are you sure you're ready?" Kate laughed.

"Me? I'm ready for anything! Seriously though, I'd like you to move in at some point. I think this is the first step. Small steps." He smiled at her. "The question is, are you ready?"

"For a key? Yes. I think I can handle that. Small steps," she agreed. "I was talking to Dr. Burke today about us and everything I've been going through. He says I need to be more open with you and stop bottling things up. He thinks that it makes everything worse and that I shouldn't try to handle this alone. I've never done this before, and I'm a little nervous." She was shaking a little, so he could see how hard this was for her. " So, here goes…"

Kate talked to Rick about everything she was feeling, all her nightmares, her fears, her hopes and dreams. They talked for hours and hours until Kate could no longer hold her eyes open. She lay there, head on his chest, telling him how much she loved him, and mid-sentence, she drifted off to sleep. He lay there for a while, watching her in wonderment and stroking her beautifully soft, brunette hair. She was so strong and yet so vulnerable. He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes too. She had opened up to him more than ever before and he felt content.


	27. Chapter 27

At the precinct, the following day, Ryan and Esposito sat at their desks waiting on forensics to send down the results. They knew they should be working the other case, but their hearts weren't in it. "Maybe we should hand the case over to someone else?" suggested Ryan, "then we could focus all our energies on the Hawley murder and Beckett's shooting."

"That's probably a good idea. It sucks, working two at a time," agreed Espo

"Do you reckon Gates would go for it?"

"I don't see why not. She doesn't know the significance of the murder. We'll just tell her that the case load is too high and we're less likely to catch either killer when we're spread this thin."

"Ok. That seems reasonable."

"You can tell her!" said Espo, as he called 'not-it'.

"Damn it! Why me?"

"Because she likes you. She's still being weird with me, especially since I got a little too close trying to stall her the other day."

Ryan laughed, "Ok, I'll do the talking, but you're coming with me."

They headed towards Gates' office to ask her permission to drop the other case, but heard her talking on the phone. Although her voice was muffled, partly because of the door and partly as she clearly did not want to be overheard, they could sense a mixture of anger and apology in her tone. Hidden from view by the filing cabinet against her window, they listened in, trying to get an idea what the conversation was about. She had been very secretive lately and it was making them curious. After all, they were detectives, snooping is what they're paid for.

"She's not a detective anymore, so, no, she's not still on the case. Tell him he doesn't have to worry about her anymore; it's no longer an issue… What do you mean someone is pursuing it?... Hawley? What's he got to do with it?... What? How is it my fault? You should have told me before….. There's not a lot I can do now…. No, it's too late…. What do you want me to do? I can't take them off the case now; it will make them suspicious. You should have warned me!... They asked to take over the case, so they must know the relevance. If I'd had prior knowledge I could have prevented this. You want me to control things here but don't give me any information…. I know it's all on a need to know basis, but I needed to know… Ok, I'll do my best." And with that, she hung up the phone.

Ryan and Esposito stood frozen on the spot, identical gobsmacked looks on their faces. Gates stood up from her desk and started for the door. Espo snapped back to reality and grabbed Ryan's arm, dragging him away from Gates' office and into the elevator, stopping by his desk to grab his phone and keys. On the ride down he called Beckett. He wouldn't tell her anything over the phone for fear that the line had been tapped, but said that she and Castle should meet them immediately.

It was some of the most startling news he'd heard since the revelation that Montgomery was involved. Unlike Montgomery, they didn't have the same trust in Gates. They knew that he was a good man who had made a mistake a long time ago; his loyalties always lay with his team at the 12th. He had spent the rest of his career trying to make up for what he had done in the past. Who knew where Gates' loyalties lie?

Just as he got off the phone with Beckett, his phone began to ring again. "Esposito," he answered. "Oh, hey... You've found something? We'll be right there," he told the person on the other end of the phone. Ryan looked confused. "Change of plans!"

"Where are we going?" Ryan asked.

"Forensics. They have news!" he answered. "Yo Beckett, we're going to have to postpone. Got to go via the forensic lab. I'll let you know when we're done."

* * *

Rick and Kate pulled up outside a little row of shops. They were on their way to meet Ryan and Espo when they had had the 'change of plans' call. Now they just had to wait around for news. Ryan called when they were done and said that he and Espo would come to them, taking down the address. They would find somewhere to grab some lunch while they went over what forensics had found. A few minutes later Ryan's car pulled into the road and parked across the street. _That was quick,_ thought Kate. They got out of her car and headed towards Ryan's; there was something different about it. Or maybe it was just a feeling she was having that something wasn't quite right; she just couldn't put her finger on it. Rick sensed the suspicion on her and turned his head to scan the area. As he looked to the right, a glint caught his eye. He didn't think twice about it, he grabbed her and pulled her towards him. It may have been nothing, but he wasn't going to wait around to see. If it turned out to be a false alarm, he would deal with the fallout later.

"What are you… f**k" she shouted, just as the bullet grazed her ribcage. Searing pain shot through her, the heat of the bullet burnt her flesh and blood trickled down her side, showing through the fresh hole in her light grey t-shirt. She bent over in pain, clutching her side, unable to move. Rick tried to pull her but she was in shock and wasn't responding. For fear of another attempt on her life, he lifted her into his arms and carried her into a little café a few doors down, opting for seats away from any windows. It was the safest place for now. The shooter wouldn't expose himself in such a public area. He sat her in one of the seats and took the space next to her. He tried to move her arm to see the wound but she was frozen in place, her muscles tensed and unyielding. She was shaking and still unresponsive. "Kate, honey, I need to look. I need to know if I should call an ambulance." Her muscles relaxed and he was able to move her arm.

"No ambulance… no hospitals" she mumbled.

"Kate, we need to do something. You're still bleeding. You should have a paramedic at least check you over." Kate shook her head. He wasn't sure if it was the memories of the last time she was in hospital or the fear that she might bump into Josh, but he respected her wishes. He called over to the waitress "Do you have a first aid kit?" The young girl nodded and disappeared out the back to fetch it. When she returned, he took out an antiseptic wipe and cleaned her skin. She winced as the alcohol touched the graze and squeezed his knee synonymously as the pain hit; that made him wince too. As he worked, he placed kisses on her shoulder, on her head, and along her arms, as though they would lessen the pain. They did make her feel a little better though. He dug a dressing out of the box and taped it over the wound, wrapping a bandage around her ribs and stomach to hold the dressing in place. She felt a little exposed and was grateful that the café was relatively empty. The few customers who were there, sat across the room and paid no attention to Kate and Rick. Rick beckoned the waitress over again, thanking her for the first aid supplies. He was grateful that she didn't ask questions. "Can I grab two coffees, please? One straight up, and the other a grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla. Thanks."

Kate smiled coyly at him. "Thank you for this, for everything,"

"Always." The waitress brought over the coffees, placing the vanilla latte in front of Kate. "How much do I owe you?" he asked the waitress.

"Don't worry, it's on the house. You guys look like you've been through a lot."

"Understatement of the century," he joked. "Thank you." He turned back to Kate, a smile on her face as she sipped at the coffee. "That there is the reason I buy you so many coffees. You look beautiful when you smile."

"You didn't buy this coffee." She laughed and he joined in.

"You can never just take a compliment, can you?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

"Where indeed?"

Despite the gash across her rib and the sniper possibly still staking out the place, she still managed to keep a smile on her face. He didn't know where she got her strength from.

When Kate headed to the bathroom, Rick decided to call Lanie. She is a doctor, for all intents and purposes; it was just her choice to work with the dead. He asked her if she would be able to pop round later to check Kate over, but told her not to panic. Kate was ok, under the circumstances. _Well, it could have been a lot worse,_ he thought. She said she'd be straight over after her shift ended; she would be about an hour. That gave them time to get home and settled, _and maybe have a drink…something a little stronger than coffee,_ he thought. Kate returned and he asked the waitress if there was another way out; he wanted to be on the safe side. Rick left a $20 bill on the table, under his coffee mug, as he left. She pointed them through a door and led them out the back. "If you head down there and do a left, it leads you away from this place. There's a taxi rank there if you need it."

"Thank you so much," said Rick, sincerely.

"No worries. Be safe." She smiled and closed the door behind them.

Now they just needed to get home. "Taxi?" She wondered, mirroring his thoughts again.

"Definitely! There will be no more walking about when you have a target on your back."

Kate didn't have the energy to argue at the moment. She was sure the topic would come up later. They found the taxi rank just around the corner and hopped in a cab, directing the driver to Rick's apartment. Twenty minutes later, they were through his front door and safe. And that's where he would be keeping her.


	28. Chapter 28

Rick took a bottle of brandy from the drinks cabinet and poured himself a glass. He needed something to calm his nerves after the pandemonium. "Did you want some?" he asked Kate.

"No, but I'll take a bottle of red."

Rick smiled as she filled the glass right up to the brim. "Save some for Lanie. She's bound to need a glass when she gets here."

"Lanie?"

"Well, you wouldn't go to the hospital to get checked over. You developing an infection is all we need. I just want to make sure it's not worse than it looks."

She rolled her eyes at him. "I'm fine."

"Famous last words!" he joked. "Then just think of it as your best friend coming over to cheer you up after a traumatic day. If she happens to give you medical advice, that's just a bonus." He winked at her and it made her chuckle.

"Thank you."

"Always."

Rick went to answer the door after a loud and somewhat panicked knock came at the door. "Lanie, I told you not to worry. She's ok."

"I just needed to be sure. Sweetie?"

"Seriously, I'm fine. Could do with a top-up though," she said, waving her wine glass in Rick's direction.

"You get shot at twice and suddenly you need a slave."

"Shut it, writer boy," Kate joked. As he was pouring out another glass, she said "actually, just bring the bottle; and another glass for Lanie."

Rick saluted sarcastically at her, "And it's writer man now." He winked, Kate rolled her eyes and Lanie laughed. "On which note, I think I'll make myself scarce. I'll try not to eavesdrop too much whilst you're gossiping about me."

"You do that," replied Kate, a cheeky smile on her face. He placed his hand on her face and pressed his lips into her hair, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. _Mmm… cherries._

"I love you," he whispered.

"Love you too."

Rick walked off with a big grin on his face, leaving the girls alone in the lounge.

"Look at you, throwing the 'L-word' around," exclaimed Lanie, once Rick had left the room. "So proud of you, girl."

Kate smiled. "It's not hard anymore. He's seen me at my worst and still keeps coming back for more. If that's not love, what is?! I feel safe around him, even in the midst of all this… drama."

"Again, proud. Now if only my life was as easy as yours," Lanie teased. It made Kate laugh.

"Switch?"

"Tempted. You do have one hell of a guy there."

"I really do. Despite everything I've been through, I know that if it hadn't happened, I may never have met him. And I am happy. Really happy." Kate smiled, "I just wish he wasn't so overprotective."

"And he probably wishes you weren't so bloody stubborn," interjected Lanie.

"Probably."

Lanie shook her head at Kate, lovingly. "Oh sweetie."

"I can't change who I am. I can't just stop fighting… not now."

"You really are stubborn and headstrong. Just don't get yourself killed, ok?!"

"I'll be fine"

"Speaking of fine… let me check that wound of yours."

Kate huffed a little, but lifted her t-shirt to show Lanie. "Hmmm… We should start calling him Doctor Castle. He's done a pretty good job here."

"That's all he needs, an ego boost," joked Kate.

"True," she smiled. "I'm going to need to change the dressing though, because it's still bleeding a little. You don't need stitches as it's not deep, it's only a graze. It's still going to be sore for a while. Moving about may be a little painful, so I would suggest no strenuous activity for now. Let it heal a bit first."

"How long for?" she asked.

Lanie laughed. "Until it doesn't hurt anymore. None of this 'I can deal with the pain' nonsense. It will only make it worse. Now where abouts will I find the first aid kit?"

"I've got it," interrupted Rick.

"Have you been listening the whole time?" asked Kate, while Lanie worked on getting her patched up.

"No, not the whole time. My ears were drawn to the words 'Doctor Castle'. That sounds like a fun game… not for now though I guess. No sex, huh?"

Kate rolled her eyes at him again.

"We'll have to play board games instead. And you can watch movies while I'm out, or read my new Frozen Heat manuscript. Doesn't go on sale til Sept 11th."

Kate looked for any sign that he was joking… the flicker of a smile on his lips? There was nothing. _Is he being serious? _she wondered. "You're kidding right?"

"What do you mean? It's a good book, if I do say so myself. I thought you'd want to read it."

"Not about the book!"

"Oh! No, I'm deadly serious. I told you before that I wasn't going to let you go out and get yourself killed." The volume began to rise; this was their first big fight. Kate didn't know how to deal with Rick trying to control her. She knew he was only looking out for her as usual, but it was too much. It was her life to do with as she pleased.

"How the hell am I supposed to catch my shooter if I can't go out and investigate?"

"You're not. There are plenty of other people willing to investigate this for you. You're in the crosshairs, Kate. I can't have you wandering around, being shot at. I can't lose you, Kate. I won't! I've almost lost you far too many times. Now that I've actually got you, I'm not letting you out of here. It's the only place you'll be safe."

Lanie interrupted their argument. "I'm going to… go. I'll leave you guys to it."

"Lanie, you don't have to-"

"Yes, I really do. I'll call you later honey." _Wow, that was awkward,_ she thought, as she headed towards the elevator. _Wonder if it's always like that?! Bet the make-up sex is HOT! _She giggled to herself, taking out her phone. With all the tension building in that room, she needed a release; she decided to call Javi. He answered on the first ring.

* * *

_I wrote these past couple of chapters a while ago + didn't get round to uploading them. I hope you're all enjoying these latest ones as much as the rest. As usual, I love to hear your comments, so** review please**! And feel free to come and chat to me on twitter: x_Hannah_x Your support means a lot :)_


	29. Chapter 29

Kate checked her phone a little later to find seven missed calls from Ryan and Esposito. In all the ruckus, she'd forgotten all about Ryan and Espo's news. They'd had something important to tell, information that couldn't be told over the phone. They also had whatever findings they had gotten from forensics. She gave Espo a call to see what was going on and to fill him in on today's events.

The phone rang and rang, and then just as she was about to hang up, "Esposito."

"Hey Espo. I, um…" Kate could hear giggling at the other end of the phone. "…I'm clearly interrupting. Don't worry, I'll give Ryan a call."

"Ok." More giggling… "Shhh… Stop it!" she heard him say.

Kate laughed. "Say hi to Lanie for me."

"Lanie?" he asked. "What makes you think Lanie's here?"

"I can hear her."

"Hey sweetie," said Lanie, in the distance. "You and writer-boy made up yet?"

"We're getting there. I'll leave you to it." Kate heard the giggling start again and hung up the phone. _At least someone's happy,_ she thought, _hopefully I won't be interrupting Ryan and Jenny now. _She laughed to herself as she considered the chances.

"Kevin's phone," answered Jenny. _Another giggly one. Seriously?! _"It's Detective Beckett," she heard Jenny whisper. "He's a little – ah - busy right now. Can he call you back?"

Kate rolled her eyes, "Yeah I guess." She wondered if she would ever find out that information. Ten minutes later she received a text from Espo **"Hey Beckett. Sorry about earlier. Did you want me to come over tonight to go over everything? It's kind of important. Espo. x"**

"**Yeah. Sounds good. I'm at Castle's. See if you can drag Ryan away from Jenny ;) KB. X"**

"**Will do. See you in 20. x"**

Thirty minutes later there was a knock at the door. "Sorry we're late. Had some trouble with lover boy here!"

"What? Jenny and I needed some alone time."

Kate rolled her eyes again. "No-one ever worries about interrupting me," she joked, thinking back to all the moments between Castle and herself that had been intruded on, notably the other day when she had been dragged away partway through. She had been angry that day, no matter the importance. "So what have you got for me?" She asked, bringing them back on topic. They had no time for tangents.

"Do you want the big news or the bad news?" asked Espo.

"Is the big news bad too?" queried Rick.

"Yeah, pretty bad."

"Kate?" nudged Rick, passing the decision over to her.

"Go with the big bad. At least the other bad news won't seem quite as bad in comparison."

Ryan nodded to Espo who relayed what they had overheard from Gates' office.

Rick's jaw dropped "She's in on it?!"

"Yeah."

"I always knew she was evil. I mean, how comes she never liked me? That's pretty suspicious. Everyone likes me."

"Everyone? Really?!" interjected Kate. "It must be that modesty that attracts them all." She giggled a little and that pulled a small smile from each of them. Back on point, she asked "Does Gates know that you know?"

"Do you think we'd still be alive if she did?" highlighted Ryan.

That was a scary thought. Would Gates actually have them killed if she knew? _It seems bizarre, but honestly, what about this whole situation makes any kind of sense, _Kate thought. "Point taken."

"So what's the other bad news?" urged Rick.

"The tyre treads found at the dump site were matched to a Honda Civic, one of the most common cars. It's registered to over 8000 people in New York City alone. Most likely stolen. Forensics said that if we find a car they can match it though, so we're checking reports on stolen cars in the area and impound lots. Might even find blood evidence or fingerprints."

"What happened about the blood on Hawley's shirt?"

"They ran it through the database, but it's a closed file. The best they can do is phenotyping. They've narrowed it down to a Caucasian male, around 6'2", late 30s, dark brown hair."

"Ryan, that really doesn't help," said Kate, dejected.

"I know," he replied.

"Is there any good news at all?" she asked.

"We did get a warrant to search his house and we've subpoenaed CCTV for the area around the dump site. If there's any evidence that he went back to his house, we can get the CCTV for that area too. We can hopefully follow him from there to Brooklyn. It may give us eyes on who he met with. After all, he had to go to Brooklyn for a reason."

A smile crept onto Kate's face. Rick recognised it… It was hope. And it was infectious. He was smiling now too. "Well what are we waiting for?" she asked.

"No. You're not coming," Rick told her.

"I have to be there. I can't just sit here wondering what's going on," she argued.

"That is exactly what you're going to do. We've been through this already. I don't want to fight about it anymore."

"It's alright Beckett, we've got this," said Ryan, trying to ease the tension. Kate glared at him, then back at Rick.

"I'll call you as soon as we find anything," promised Rick

"You better do!"

Kate slumped down onto the sofa, and they hurried out of the apartment before she had the chance to change her mind.


	30. Chapter 30

"So, you're attempting to lock her up? That seem like it's going to work to you?" asked Espo. He knew her all too well. She was too tenacious to be cooped up while there was investigating to be done; she wasn't the type who could sit back and do nothing. "She'll get to the point where she'll need to break free before it drives her insane."

Rick knew Espo was right, but there was nothing else he could think of to keep her out of harm's way. If he didn't try, he would never forgive himself. "Let's just focus on whatever it is we're doing now, shall we?" He needed something to distract himself. "What is it exactly that we're doing now?"

"We're going to see if we can recover the bullet that was aimed at Beckett. We figure it must still be in that wall behind where you guys were stood," explained Ryan.

"Wouldn't CSU have found it already?" asked Rick.

"They were never called. There were no casualties, hardly anyone noticed, so nobody even reported it."

"So how did you know?"

"Just as we pulled up near that coffee shop, Espo had a call from Lanie. She told him what had happened, but reassured us that you were both ok. We went into the coffee shop and spoke to the waitress, who told us that you had gotten away safely, which Lanie corroborated. We figured that you could both do with a little time to recover and decided to fill you in a little later-"

"-then we both got a tad distracted."

"Alright for some," Rick responded.

"Everything ok with the two of you?" asked Espo.

"Yeah, I guess. It's just difficult with everything going on. There's no normality; it's just constant stress and drama surrounding us. It's kind of hard to breathe."

"That sucks man, I'm sorry," said Ryan empathetically. They were all having some kind of relationship drama. Espo didn't know where he stood with Lanie; he wanted more, but he had no clue what she wanted. Meanwhile, Ryan and Jenny had opposing views on bringing a child into the world. It was the root of a fair few arguments in their household.

Rick was glad when they pulled up outside the coffee shop. It gave them the opportunity to change the subject entirely. Rick led Ryan and Espo to the exact spot where they were stood when Kate was shot at. "I saw the glint over there," pointing towards a spot in the distance, "then I pulled Kate away from the line of fire. If I track the bullet's path, it should lead to approximately… there." He pointed at the wall, and in that exact spot lay a bullet imbedded into the brickwork.

"He's getting sloppy," Espo remarked. "Guess he thought it was too risky to come and dig the bullet out. Or maybe he's cocky and thinks we won't find him."

"To be honest, there probably won't be a match in the database, or even if there is, it will most likely be covered up," answered Ryan.

"We should get it to ballistics just in case." As Espo carefully dug the bullet out of wall, they all agreed upon their next course of action. Tomorrow, they would head to Hawley's apartment, and then continue on to ballistics to get the bullet checked out.

* * *

The next morning, they arrived at the address given for Joseph Hawley. It was a nice area… a wealthy area. Wealthy men aren't known for their strength and durability; Rick knew this from personal experience. He still screamed like a girl whenever anything frightened him. Heading up the path and breaking into the property, Rick began to wonder how Hawley had fared under interrogation… whether he had given anything up. It was evident from the moment they walked in the door that he hadn't divulged. The place had been ransacked. He just hoped that they had left empty handed.

As they headed further into the house, Espo called them into the bathroom. There were bloody towels and bandages filling the bath, a first-aid kit lying amongst them. "Seems like he came back here to patch himself up."

"That must be enough to get us a warrant for the CCTV tapes of the area, right?" asked Rick.

"Yeah, should be. Tricky part is, we may need the tapes leading from here to Brooklyn," answered Ryan.

"That sounds difficult. Did you really think that idea through?" Rick laughed. "Can we not just follow him to whatever transport he gets and estimate his time of arrival in Brooklyn? Look at the most likely locations for his arrival? Once we get an approximate time, we could just look at CCTV for the area around the park."

"Hmmm… that does make more sense," mumbled Ryan, somewhat irritated that Rick had come up with a better plan. Espo, in the meantime, was already on the phone to the judge, trying to get a warrant.

"We've got it!" he exclaimed. "We can pick up the tapes first thing tomorrow and then Ryan can find us a lead. I'm going to run the bullet over to ballistics and watch over them as they process it. I'm not letting them cover this up."

"We'll stay here for a little longer and have a nose about. Maybe we'll find something," said Ryan, hopefully. However, after three hours of searching, rummaging through Hawley's belongings, they had found nothing. Rick came to the decision though, that this Hawley guy was a bit of a hoarder. _Seriously, who needs three waffle irons and four printers? _He thought.

Ryan gave up "Let's go home. I've got stuff to sort out with Jenny."

Rick was curious, but didn't pry; Ryan didn't look like he wanted to talk about it just yet. It was a quiet journey home; both were lost in thought. They pulled up at Rick's loft. "I'll see you tomorrow. Let me know when you've got the tapes."

Ryan just smiled and nodded, before he drove away. Rick headed upstairs, with hopes that Kate hadn't done anything stupid.

* * *

_Hope you like where this story is headed. I always struggle more with the investigative chapters... fluff is easier to write lol. Let me know what you think (Review please!) Will hopefully update again tomorrow. x_


	31. Chapter 31

To Rick's relief, Kate did as she was told and had stayed indoors. She was punishing him for it though; her anger at him was undeniable, sending the tension between them through the roof. They hardly talked that night. Kate was giving him the silent treatment, and he was mediating between the sides of himself, part of him relieved that Kate was safe, and the other part regretting trying to control her. He tried to quieten the side that was hurt by her fury; he told himself that her safety was worth every glare.

The next morning, Rick received a call from Ryan… he had the tapes. He leapt out of bed and threw on some clothes. This was to be the day where everything got better, he was sure of it. He planted a swift kiss on Kate's forehead, leaving her in bed, and raced out the door. After three hours of watching CCTV tapes, with no joy, he had lost his enthusiasm. Espo had already eaten his way through the whole bag of popcorn that Rick had brought and they weren't anywhere near close to a lead. It was so monotonous; they were staring at a continuous black and white image, interrupted occasionally by the odd dog walker or pedestrian. Hawley was nowhere to be seen. The trouble was, they had no clue what time he would have arrived back at his house, and fast-forwarding too quickly could cause them to miss him altogether. It was going to be a very long day. After three more hours watching the endless recordings, Espo wanted to call it a night.

"Hell, I'm no good at this anyway. It's kinda your thing," he said to Ryan. "How about we just resume tomorrow?"

"No, I'll keep at it. I'm in the right mindset for it now anyway. You can head off too, if you like," he said to Rick.

"I don't mind staying and keeping you company," he reasoned, but Ryan turned down his offer.

"You need to get back home and keep Beckett company instead. I'm alright on my own. Like Javi said, it's my thing. I'll just keep going til Jenny gets home. It'll keep me busy." There was that look on his face again; neither of them could work out what it was, but again, they didn't pry. He would tell them when he was ready.

"If you're sure?" Secretly he was wishing he could stay. Another night like the last was going to kill him. He couldn't stand seeing Kate angry at him. However, Ryan insisted that he wasn't needed, so he had to head home.

Espo, on the other hand, wasn't heading home. He was going straight to Lanie's. His day had been far too dull; he needed something to liven it up a little. She greeted him with a "hey baby," and those were the only words said that night.

There was only one problem… Booty call after booty call and things started to get repetitive. Lanie and Esposito spent each night ignoring the obvious question that they both were thinking… the pink elephant in the room. _Where is this going?_

After yet another no-strings night of passion, Lanie couldn't take it anymore and asked "What are we doing?"

"Well, we were kissing. I guess we're not anymore?" There was a hint of a questioning tone in his voice; he wasn't really sure what was going on. Lanie pushed him away and got up out of the bed. His eyes followed her naked figure as she crossed the room to fetch a robe. She threw one to him too. She wasn't going to be able to have a serious conversation with him, looking at the body that made her melt and turned her insides to jelly. She needed to know where she stood. Their 'relationship' was fun, but it wasn't enough. Lanie needed more… or nothing.

_What does he want? _She wondered, as she stared into his eyes, trying to read what was going on in his head. He was wondering the same; he wasn't about to lay his heart on the line if she didn't want it.

"Seriously, Javi. What's going on with us? What are we?"

"I don't know. What do you want from me?" It came out sounding harsher than he'd meant. But he didn't want his pride wounded, so he wouldn't be the first to give in.

She took it offensively, not realising that he really wanted to know what she wanted from him… what she wanted him to be to her. "Nothing. Don't worry, I don't want anything from you."

"Lanie?"

"I can't do this anymore. I think you should leave."

"What?"

"Just go, Javi."

Both keeping their emotions hidden, both holding back tears, he put on his clothes and headed out the door. Tears welled in his eyes as he walked towards his car, but he wouldn't give in. Instead he called the boys; he was in desperate need of a drinking session.

Ryan couldn't make it; he was still having Jenny drama. Rick, however, was desperate to get out of the house. The tension between him and Kate was getting worse by the day. Espo swung by Rick's loft to pick him up and they headed to The Old Haunt.

"Beer?" asked Rick.

"Whisky, straight up," Espo instructed the bartender.

As the bartender finished pouring the shot of whisky, Rick advised "Better leave the bottle," his eyes diverting towards Esposito. The bartender followed his eyes and nodded understandingly.

Espo downed the shot, and held his glass out for a top-up; Rick obeyed.

"Do you want to talk about it, or are you just going to get drunk?"

"We'll start with drunk and see how I feel."

"Probably a little rough, looking at the strength of that stuff."

Espo shrugged and poured himself another glass.

Five or six measures later, Espo started to talk. "What does she want? What do I tell her?" he asked.

"Who, Lanie?"

Espo looked at Rick with exasperation. "Of course Lanie. Who else?"

"Fair point. What do you want to tell her? What do you want?"

"I don't know," he replied.

"Yes you do." Rick recognised this as a cover; he knew how Espo felt deep down.

"I can't just come out and say it. It will freak her out."

"Say what?" Rick asked.

"That I'm in love with her."

Rick's jaw dropped. Yes, he knew already, but to hear Espo finally acknowledge it was a shock.

"You have to tell her. Life is too short to wait for the right time, right place… exactly the right moment. She may not be ready. She may not want the same. But you'll never know unless you try."

"Ok, Dr Phil. Where's all this sudden good advice coming from?"

"It's the same advice my mum gave me."

That made Espo chuckle.

"Well, it worked for me. Where's the harm in trying? You're getting nowhere when you're not talking about it. You never know, she might feel exactly the same and be scared to tell you, just like you're scared to tell her."

"I'm not scared," he exclaimed, puffing out his chest. Had Rick unintentionally insulted him? Maybe testing his bravery was just the push he needed.

"Then get of here and tell her!"

"OK," he stated with resolve, maybe fuelled by the liquid courage. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck. Maybe pick up a coffee on the way, sober you up," Rick laughed. He was happy that Espo was finally going to tell Lanie how he felt. He was pretty sure she felt exactly the same way. He couldn't be 100% sure though; women were still a bit of a mystery. "Leave the keys. Get a cab and pick the car up from me later."

Espo had drunk far too much to drive. Rick took his car; he had only had the one so was under the legal limit. With everything that had been going on lately, he wanted to keep a clear head. He never knew when he might need to be able to think on his feet and protect the ones he loved.

* * *

Sorry again for the wait guys. Too many things taking up my time lol. Hope you've enjoyed the most recent installment (hope you can still remember what happened previously lol). Bit of fluff coming up soon to make it up to you lol ;) x


	32. Chapter 32

The nightmares had lessened since Kate had started taking the sleeping pills prescribed by Dr. Burke, but they still turned up on occasion as a gentle reminder that she was, in fact, still in mortal danger._ It's definitely time to teach Rick some self-defence_, she decided. Maybe a sparring session was just what she needed. It would help her to let off some steam and would definitely put her mind at ease. _Hmmm… I guess I'll have to go gentle, _she thought._ That's going to be tricky. I'm not used to holding back._

Kate was alone in Rick's apartment, where she always seemed to be these days, cooped up for fear of being shot, stabbed, tortured, or all of the above. It made sense for her to lie low; she didn't have to like it. She was so bored and frustrated, in more ways than one. It had been over a week since she and Rick had had sex; he'd been out following up leads with the boys, up late working on the murder board, and ever since her close call the other day, he had been non-stop stressing about her safety, subsequently his libido had dropped. Kate's, ironically, was in overdrive; it was driving her insane. Just as she decided to sneak out for a walk, to get a little fresh air, Rick walked through the front door. At the sight of him, her heart started palpating and her nerves were on fire_. Damn, I need to get laid_, she thought. He, on the other hand, had other things on his mind. He brushed past her, giving her a little peck on the cheek as he went. Her skin tingled at his touch. It was too much! Kate grabbed his arm, pulling him backwards and slamming him into the kitchen table.

"Ouch," he gasped.

Kate didn't care. She hadn't hurt him that much; he was just a drama queen. Her hands ran up his beautifully toned arms and into his hair, pulling hard enough to evoke another little gasp from Rick. She swallowed that gasp as her mouth invaded his, her tongue dancing across his bottom lip until he gave in, his lips parting to allow a passionate kiss. It was the least guarded he'd been for over a week. After another threat on her life, he was all about 'focus'. He was determined to catch the shooter if it killed him. Kate shuddered at the thought. But why the loss of focus now? She could taste the reason, a hint of Scotch on his tongue. Suddenly, she was annoyed, pulling back and breaking the kiss. "I'm stuck here and you're at the pub?" she asked, demandingly.

"I… umm. Blame Esposito! He was all upset over Lanie and wanted someone to talk to."

"Someone to talk to? A drinking buddy more like. Where was Ryan?"

"Out somewhere with Jenny."

"Well, at least someone cares about their partner," she shouted.

"Woah. Where's this coming from? Since when did we have issues?"

She didn't know where this was coming from. She was being all needy and pathetic. _Bloody hormones. _

"Since you confine me to this apartment day after day, then disappear off, God knows where, leaving me here alone. I feel like bloody Rapunzel." _Wow, I sound ridiculous! Is sex deprivation a cause of mental illness? Definitely a form of torture!_

Rick walked towards her and put his hand to her cheek, stroking it with his thumb. He stared directly into her eyes and could see the burning lust behind them; he melted. "I'm so sorry. I've been so caught up in trying to keep you safe, but I should have been here for you more." That could have sounded sarcastic if it wasn't for the sincere tone in his voice. She knew that he meant it. He pressed his lips to hers gently and kissed her, pulling away after a brief moment. "How about I take the rest of the day off and we have some fun?" he suggested.

"What kind of fun?" she asked with a sly smile on her face. "My toys or yours?" She pulled her bottom lip up between her teeth seductively and it made his stomach flip.

"Detective Beckett. You wouldn't be threatening me with handcuffs would you?" he joked.

"Only if you're really bad!" She raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Rick gasped; he had forgotten to breathe for the last 20 seconds.

Kate decided that they should intertwine sparring and sex. It had worked well for her in the past, not that she would mention that to him. No good would come from bringing others, especially Demming, into this scenario. She knew how Rick felt about him. _If only he knew that I had broken up with Tom for him, _she pondered. That was all in the past now. "Wait there," she ordered and wandered off into the bedroom. Rick looked bewildered; why was he waiting out here when she was in there? Kate returned a minute later with bandages; Rick only grew more confused. "Give me your hands. I have a lot to teach you."

"Sounds intriguing."

"Move the sofas out. We need space," she said, suddenly with excitement in her voice. "We'll start with the basics."

"I think I've got those down," he said cheekily

Kate rolled her eyes. She started with basic blocking techniques, how to dodge a kick or a punch, or, worst scenario, a knife. Then she moved on to throw downs and pinning. "Now this is where it gets interesting," she laughed, as she pinned him to the floor with just one arm. Using one of the moves she had just taught him, he knocked her to the ground and pinned her down, his full body weight pressing against hers. They were so close that their noses were almost touching. They held their positions, neither moving, hardly breathing. The tension and heat were palpable; steam was almost visible. Still they lay there, frozen, letting it build until neither could bear it any longer. Rick gave in first, parting her lips with his tongue. With a twist of her hips, she flipped them over so that she was on top and in control. He had no willpower to fight it; he was at her mercy. And that was exactly where she wanted him. She ripped off his shirt and let her lips distract him, until he felt the cold touch of metal against his skin. Before he knew it, he was cuffed, his arms imprisoned behind his back.

"This is a little limiting," he moaned, knowing that he would be unable to touch her. The thought of that was killing him. It also meant that she would be able to do anything to him and there's nothing that he could do to stop her. "Maybe I'll pull a Houdini," he joked.

"No you won't. Trust me, you won't want to. And you won't be needing your hands right now," she told him. Rick groaned in response; he was suddenly finding it hard to vocalise words. She chuckled and headed into the kitchen.

"Where are you going?" he asked, worried that she was just going to leave him there as punishment for his recent behaviour. _Poetic justice they call it._

"To get supplies." She raised her eyebrows and he had to bite his lip to hold in the little yelp on the tip of his tongue. _Oh my God! _were the only words going through his mind in that moment; this escalated to _Holy shit!_ when she returned with squirty cream and ice-cubes. His mind flashed back to a year and a half ago, stood outside that magic shop; he could remember it as vividly as if it were yesterday. Those words repeating in his head… 'I do this one thing, with ice-cubes'. As she approached him with the bowl of ice-cubes, he stammered "my safe word is apples!"

* * *

"Kinky," he whispered in her ear, as he awoke. She laughed at the déjà vu. They had fallen asleep, lying naked on the rug, and were both suddenly glad that no-one had turned up unexpectedly. In the moment, they hadn't even considered the possibility. It seemed fate was on their side for once. Kate snuggled into him; it was surprisingly comfortable lying on the floor. Rick mirrored her thoughts "I'm glad I spent so much on this rug. Totally worth it!" Kate giggled. "Now how about removing the other cuff from around my wrist? I want to kiss you and it's going to get in the way."

"If I can find the keys," she murmured. Rick looked horrified. "I'm joking. They're right… Where are they?"

"Kate, you're not funny."

"I'm not trying to be. They were on the table earlier. Must have gotten knocked off with all the commotion." She giggled again, and he couldn't help but smile. He loved that sound on her. "Ah, here they are," she said, relieved. "Now kiss me!"


End file.
